Facts Of HER Life

My Angel

2010-04-06T13:47:00.003-05:00

I know I know....Ive been gone too damn long. I don't even know where to begin w this blog. The biggest thing that has happened to me thus far, would be me going into labor too early & losing my baby. The last time I blogged, I was making the announcement that I had just found out I was pregnant. Well, on February 23, 2010 at 3:07am I gave birth to a baby girl. I was only 23 weeks pregnant & in labor for 4 days. I began having really bad contractions, I went to the hospital right away. When I got to the hospital I was already dilated 2cm, by the time they got me to a room which only took a few minutes, I was already dilated 5cm. My labor was progressing so fast, that the doctors thought I would have to deliver right away. The doctors were able to delay my labor for a few days but could not send me home bc my water had broken. As the days went by it seemed like everything was going OK. BUT one day the doctors came to my room & told me that the baby had began to rest on her umbilical cord, which was causing her to lose oxygen & that she could possibly be delivered a stillborn, if I didn't decide to deliver right away. Along with me delivering early, there was a very high chance that my baby would not survive, bc she was premature & her lungs were not strong enough. This was one of the HARDEST things in my life I have ever dealt with. Even to sit here & type all this makes me tear up. I decided to go ahead & deliver early & let God handle whatever comes after. When it was time to push I barely pushed one time & there my angel was. To be honest I was nervous about seeing the baby bc I didn't know if she would be fully developed yet or not, being that I was only 23wks. But the doctors assured me before she arrived that she would have all of her limbs. Doctors also informed me that she may not cry when she comes out bc her lungs are not fully developed. When my baby was born the doctors rushed her away to try to keep her stable. A few mins later we were able to see her. To describe how I felt is unbearable. She looked exactly like the female version of her dad, except w my nose. I held her, & immediately I just wished I could change the situation. I wish there was something that could have been done to keep her here longer. I felt like running away w her & never coming back. BUT..... my angel only lived for a hour & a few mins. She will forever more be the love of my life. If I could have given myself to have her here I would have. She's my everything. I love her more than anything. I think about her everyday. She will always be in my mind & heart. ALWAYS.

Doctors do not know what caused me to go into labor so early or even if it will ever happen again. Still to this day there are a lot of questions running thru my mind. Some of these questions Ive asked over & over again, & still there is no answer. Google has been my best friend w trying to cope with this. Ive discovered I'm not the only person that this has happened to, I'm not the only one that feels like this or has a million & one unanswered questions. The best answer that Ive came up with, is that everything happens for a reason.

GUESS WHAT!!!!!!

2009-11-09T06:58:00.003-06:00

You'll NEVER believe this. For the entire month of October I was sick as HELL. I felt like I was damn near on my death bed. I was having really bad menstrual cramps, that couldn't seem to get cured by anything. The cramps rolled over into November, & I never had a period. I decided to take a home pregnancy test last Thursday, & to my surprise the results were POSITIVE!!!! To say the least I was shocked. For the longest I have been told by my doctors, that it would be VERY difficult for me to conceive. Still being in shock the next morning after taking the first test, I decided to take another home pregnancy test & the results were POSITIVE AGAIN!!! I made a doctors appointment, & I found out that I was almost 9wks pregnant & should be expecting a baby around June 12, 2010. My family & I are so happy about the arrival of the new baby. I almost feel like a different person. I will be updating my blog more regularly & keeping y'all posted.

I HAVE.....

2009-10-14T07:23:00.005-05:00

This is something that Ive NEVER blogged about. BUT in my short time away I used that time to figure out somethings about ME. Something a lot of ppl not even my friends know about me is that I have P.C.O.S. What is that you ask? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. P.C.O.S. occurs when a woman's hormones are out of balance. It can lead to irregular menstrual cycles or NO menstrual cycles at all. P.C.O.S. is also the number one cause of infertility in women. Of course if your not having a menstrual cycle, then your not ovulating. P.C.O.S. can also lead to other issues as well such as weight gain, depression, acne problems, & hair loss. It can also lead to heart disease or diabetes, IF you do not take care of yourself. I was diagnosed w P.C.O.S. a little over a yr ago. I knew something was wrong bc I would go for months w/o having a cycle. I think Ive even went 6mos w/o having a cycle. Having PCOS @ times can be very difficult bc this is still a disorder that doctors do not know much about. I was put on birth control for 6mos so that I could I have regular cycles. The birth control has done what its supposed to do, as far as regulating my cycles. BUT then there is the after effect of having PCOS & nothing to help it. There is nothing to cure P.C.OS. & in my opinion doctors simply want to put a band aid over the situation. While I was on the birth control my cramps were a lot milder & & I didnt have to worry about losing hair everytime I ran a comb or brush thru my hair. Recently the cramps that I have had have been brutal. Dam near ubearable. & then of course there is the occasional weight gain. Not to mention my hair sheds, ridiculously due to the syndrome. So I decided to help myself. I did a little research & discovered a site called pcoschallenge.com. This is a site where women from all over the world that suffer from the same disorder can come together, & voice their opinions & frustrations about the disorder. Discovering this site has shed light on a light of things in my life. I now feel like I have a better understanding of why I feel the way I feel. The best solution for women w PCOS is take charge of their situation bc if you don't & get leave you angry & depressed. So far the only things that can help the syndrome are various meds, depending on how bad your situation is, & also exercising & eating health. For now I'm dealing w the situation. My situation is not as bad as others, so I'm thankful for that. Of course there is the fact that I will someday like to have kids, I wont let this disorder discourage me. I just like to think that everything will happen when the time is right.

Changes

2009-10-06T07:42:00.002-05:00

Ive decided that Im going to take a BREAK. Take a break from blogging, social networks & all that other good shit. Dont know how long this hiatus will last for. BUT I just feel I need to put more time towards myself. The past few wks its been one thing after another, & quite frankly IM TIRED. Im ready for a change. In my previous post I discussed how unhappy I was etc etc. & now I just feel like I need to go back & re-evaluate certain shit. I need to figure out whats best for me, & what makes ME happy. Ive decided against blogging bc I dont want to keep focusing on the negative shit. I want to log on sometimes & just write about happy shit. Now thats not to say that I wont be reading other blogs & commenting. Ive deleted my facebook & myspace pages ONLY bc I feel like thats a total distraction & something that I can do without. Im not going to say that Im going to completely neglect twitter BUT I wont be on as much. I hope I can use my extra time to gather my thoughts & find myself again.

......

2009-09-29T13:10:00.004-05:00

i was debating whether or not to blog about my issue simply bc i do not want to turn my blog site into a depressing ass rant, BUT i was left no choice. my head has been banging every since i got out of bed this morning. i know exactly why my head is hurting, its called stress. right now im just not happy. theres no other way to put it. im miserable. im unsure about a lot of things. i feel like over the past 2 or 3 yrs that i've lost myself. im not the same person that i used to be. i know that im more mature & more wiser than 3 yrs ago, BUT something still is not right. i feel like my life is just going in circles, like im not really getting or going anywhere. last night i sat down & i asked myself when & where did i go wrong. to be honest, i think my problems all started after i decided to stop attending nursing school. i was 18 or 19 @ the time, my first time being away from home, & i was just ready to do me. nursing school wasn't too difficult to for me, BUT i guess i just couldn't find a way to balance my social life in w school. now that i think back i was stupid to quit school. the only reason i say i was stupid was bc i gave up school to be w a worthless ass nigga. thats when i lost myself. everything became about me & him, instead of me just worrying about myself. since that relationship i have learned a lot. never sacrifice shit for a man, unless he's your husband. right now im not feeling like i want things to be perfect in my life but.... i already know @ this point in time i need to just focus on me. i need to figure out what makes me happy. ive been contemplating putting my relationship on hold, just so that i can regroup. im not even sure a relationship is what i want anymore. right now i feel like i just prefer being alone. ppl ask all the time what is your idea of happiness, & sad to say i don't know. that statement alone is sad to me, not knowing what makes you happy or lifts your spirits. i will get it together, BUT i need to know where to start......

same shit (cont)

2009-09-28T15:52:00.003-05:00

I wasn't going to blog about this issue twice, BUT Khaki left me a comment on the previous post asking why I was so annoyed w my mom. Some of y'all may know why just from reading previous post. I was just sitting @ my desk @ work, & I'm like OK maybe I should just forgive & forget, BUT that shit is hard. & it gets even more hard when the problems keep consistently happening. My issues w my mother go back as far as I can remember. Ive always said I felt like I was treated like a step child. I felt like I was treated like a step child bc of the way my mother spoke to me & treated me. Their would be times where she would be verbally abusive, as well as sometimes physically abusive. I'm not saying she was beating me like Ike beat Tina, but like I said in the previous post theres a certain way to go about doing things. Theres definitely a certain way to discipline your child, without leaving them all fucked up in the head. My whole thing now is, I do not feel respected, nor do I feel like she cares about my thoughts or opinions. For example a couple of wks ago, I ran into a little bit of financial trouble, nothing BIG just needed a little something to help me out, until payday. Well who better to call on than your mom, especially in your time of need. So I called her & explained to her what I needed the $ for, & I also let her know that I would pay the $ back in the next 7 days. For starters when I called her, it was as if she was ducking & dodging me... for what IDK. I called her house several times & each time I was given a different reason, as to why she could not come to the ph. Clearly if I'm calling you like a mad woman, theres obviously something that I need to talk to you about. Finally after a few hrs of just trying to get her on the ph, she calls me back w major attitude. To make a long story short, she said that she wasn't able to loan me any $ & that was that. I'm very well aware that were in a recession & that folks don't have a lot of $ to spare & all that other shit. But I'm not gone front, I really needed that $. & for her to turn me down, I felt that she was just being mean. & the only reason I can not come to grips as far as her not helping me is bc, she does petty shit like call & brag to me about all the new shit that she got, BUT yet you cant help me when I need you. I'm the type of person I will not ask another motherfucker for shit, unless I have no other choice. & @ this point there were really no other options. To say the least about the situation, my feelings were hurt, hurt to the point where I broke down crying. Everything has just built up over a period of time. I feel as though she has never really been there for me. Looking back, I felt like she only did the minimum as for as being a mother to me. I know that sounds harsh, BUT that's how I feel. Its just a lot. Ive tried to re-establish a relationship w her & it failed. I just don't get it. I can call her about certain issues whether it be me frustrated w work or my relationship, & she always shuts me down. So now its just to the point like why am I trying to fix something that cant be fixed. My hands are tired. I just deal w shit the best way I can, & try to block out all the other bullshit. Ive said I was going to talk to her about everything, BUT that still will not change the way I feel about her or our relationship. It Is What It Is.

demanding

2009-09-28T09:15:00.003-05:00

My fellow bunny Khaki sent me a txt over the wknd, saying she was waiting on a blog from me. To be honest, nothing much has been going w me, besides the norm. BUT my mom did call me on Saturday morning while she was already in route to my house, & TOLD me she was coming to visit. She didn't bother to ask if I had plans, if I felt like having company or anything. SMH Whenever my mom comes to visit, I always feel like my life is flipped upside down, my whole mood & everything else changes. So anyway she tells me she was bored @ home & decided just to get in her car & drive to STL. Keep in mind she lives 2hrs away from me. From there I had to get up & put on clothes & shit. I was @ home chilling, minding my own business, lounging around in my PJ's. So during our conversation on her ride to my house, she tells me that one of her friends really wants to visit her while she's here in STL. She then TELLS me that her friend is going to stop by my house to see her. WTF? I was annoyed from there on. How the hell can you just invite yourself & YOUR company to my house? I'm so tired of being disrespected by her. I do not live alone, my boyfriend lives w me. My house is just as much his, as it mines, being that we've lived together for 2yrs & he pays bills just like I do. Call me mean or whatever the fuck you want. BUT this shit has got to STOP. I've got to figure out a nice way to tell her exactly how I feel. When she gets to my house she has an unopened bottle of liquor w her. So she goes into my kitchen to fix herself a drink, while she's preparing her drink she asked my boyfriend if he wanted some, of course he replied yes. So then she asked me, I said NO. First of all her & I do not care for the same liquor, & besides that I wasn't in the mood to have a drink. I was more concerned about how long she was going to be visiting. After I told her NO I didn't want a drink, she says well why don't you want any? I'm thinking to myself does it really matter why I wish not to drink. Then she says well what do you drink? As if she doesn't already know. So her friend stops by, I spoke to her & that was it, I continued doing what I was doing on the computer & trying to ignore their conversation. Her friend visited for maybe an hour. On their way out the door, my mom noticed the decorations that I had on my living room wall. She asked me where I got them from, & how much they cost. UGH! I hate when ppl ask how much something cost, that is so damn tacky, I just hate it. So I told her the store where I purchased the wall decor, & gave her some random price of how much the items cost. So she says on her way out the door, oh I'll be bk next wknd to purchase your brothers car, then you can take me to that store, & then she said something like so be ready. I just looked @ her & said OK. Its like when I'm @ my apartment & she says there, nothing I do or say matters she's in control. & I'm tired of feeling like that. Everything I have, I got myself, never asked for a co-signer or anything else so why does she feel the need to come to my home & act as if I owe her something. She also TOLD my boyfriend that next wknd when she comes back, she's going to need him to do something w my little brother involving the car that she's about to purchase for my brother. Don't get me wrong my boyfriend is very helpful & doesn't mind doing anything for anybody, but theres a certain way to go about doing things. I mean she basically came into my home & demanded shit. Even my boyfriend noticed how BOLD my mom was being. Sometimes I think she does certain things out of spite, like wiping her hands on my decorative towels in my bathroom. Anybody in their right mind can tell the difference between decorative towels & hand towels. I've came to the conclusion that I need to talk to her, bc if I don't things will only get worse.

2009-09-26T10:56:00.003-05:00

Just learned that I can post blogs from my ph. So, hopefully I will be blogging a lot more. xoxoxox

donation....

2009-09-23T16:46:00.004-05:00

I came across this pic today on necolebitchie.com & all i could say was WOW! (flava flav voice) i mean damn can the bish donate some of that to me. & lmao @ Kanye just grabbing it like he dont give a fuck!

RANDOM

2009-09-16T08:26:00.002-05:00

Rumors all over the internet that the these two maybe back together. I so hope they get back together. Nas is fine as hell.

a fool in love

2009-09-10T09:09:00.003-05:00

definitely feeling some type of way this morning. why is that ppl know whats best for them or what they should be doing, BUT they don't act on it? @ this point im kind of between a rock & a hard place. i know very well whats best for me, & what i should be doing to get where i want to be. why cant everybody be like that? why cant everyone have certain goals or objectives for themselves. long story short, im in a relationship where im unsure whether or not i still want to be w the person im dealing w. im feeling like ive held on for as long as i could, BUT its still not working out in my favor. i know that no relationship is perfect, & that there will be ups * downs. BUT i seriously feel like im giving more to the relationship than him & im fed up. i ask myself whether or not im still in love w him, & im not even sure. occasionally there are days where i feel like were perfect each other, then there are days where im not sure. last night i sat wondered wtf brought us together. @ first it seemed like we wanted the same things & shard the same goals. now were not even on the same pg anymore. fuck being on the same pg, he's in a whole other book. im tired of feeling like im in the relationship by myself. you might ask well why don't you end it? & honestly i don't know the answer to that question. i guess its me not wanting to be alone, ive gotten to comfortable w having a live in boyfriend. there was once a point when i liked being alone. if the only reason why i wont call it quits or take a break is bc i don't want to be alone, that says a lot right there. clearly some love has been lost. im tired of having to point out certain flaws in our relationship that he claims not to notice. im tired of sharing my feelings, thoughts, & opinions & him shutting down things i say. its so hard for me to communicate w him @ this point bc he always feel as though im downing him by the things that i say. its not my intention @ all to down or degrade him, im simply stating how i feel. i don't want to throw this relationship out the window, bc im not sure if that's the right thing to do. what i do think we need is time apart. time apart is hard for the both of us, which is why im torn about what to do. ive thought about cheating BUT what would that solve or prove. i cant bring myself to cheat, honestly. all i know is that this relationship is @ a stand still & im confused about what to do. even though i know whats best for me.

2009-09-09T15:36:00.002-05:00

just realized ive done 100 post. smh ive had this blog since February & only 100.

Where Is This BISH @ UPDATED

2009-09-09T15:22:00.002-05:00

I had blogged a couple times last week about how my monthly friend had not been to visit. Well that bish finally showed up, & ruined my life LOL! Well not my life BUT she definitely ruined my 4 day wknd. Those were some of the worst freaking cramps I had ever had. I mean I couldn't do anything, I couldn't move. I took damn near the entire bottle of Tylenol. I just laid on the couch all wknd & pigged out since I already felt fat as hell, from being bloated. BUT overall, I'm just glad she showed up.

im not entertained.

2009-09-09T14:41:00.004-05:00

B.E.T. Black Entertainment Television is what is stands for. BUT are we really being entertained? As of lately so many ppl have been bad mouthing B.E.T. I even came across a letter, on some random site that one of their former employees had written, after being terminated. The former employees had the same complaints & disgust that the general public has. Why does B.E.T. think that entertainment is watching Frankie & Neffie? Really that's not entertainment that's depressing. I know ppl like Frankie & Neffie so if I want to hear or see about the wrongery that is going on, on Frankie & Neffie, I will call some ppl I know. I mean I just don't get it. B.E.T. needs to leave the reality shows to vh1. Networks cancel perfectly good shows & replace them w bullshit. I understand that it may be less expensive to film a reality show, rather than a sitcom. BUT I mean damn how long can we live off of reality shows. Especially reality shows w the same story line, its like watching a Tyler Perry movie. All of Tyler Perry's movies are the same, just sometimes w different characters. B.E.T. is janky all the way around the board. I remember growing up B.E.T. was the shit way before Free & A.J. They had Rap City which too has been cancelled. They had Teen Summit, cancelled. Can we get more black sitcoms? Hell why don't they pick up The Game? They show all the re-runs. They could have even picked up Girlfriends, even though I didn't like it much after Toni left. The only black sitcoms we have now are Tyler Perry's House of Payne & Meet The Browns. Or at least those are the only ones I know of. Bottom line B.E.T. needs to step it. Or else we'll be forced to live off of reality shows & wack ass 106 & Park.

Where Is This Bish?

2009-09-03T11:32:00.002-05:00

A few days ago I blogged about how my monthly friend has not come to visit me yet. Well this bish still ain't showed up & I'm looking for her ass. This bish is 6 days late. I'ma need for her to bring her ass on. How freaking creepy is that pic?

YALL REMEMBER HER?

2009-09-03T10:46:00.002-05:00

It's kind of slow @ work today, so I'm just on various blog sites, being nosy. I was on rhymeswithsnitch.com & I see this video title Maia Campbell Goes Off. I was kind of hesitant to play it bc the last time I heard something about this chick it was on mediatakeout. Mediatakeout had reported that Maia Campbell was strung out on drugs & roaming the streets of California. They even said that she took a bath at a strangers house, & was begging people to take her places & all other kinds of crazy stuff. I was hesitant to play the video bc I knew it was going to be a mess. & I don't think drug abuse is funny at all, being that I have an aunt that WAS on drugs most of her life. I remember watching In The House thinking how pretty she was. But when I watched that video of her, it was tragic. Instead of ppl around her trying to exploit her to media, they should be trying to help her get her life in order. But from what I saw today their making her look worse. She was even suggesting that someone was going to beat her when she got home. SMH Several websites report that she is strung out on meth do to the death of her mother. I just feel really bad for her. It seems like no one really wants to help her get her life together & she has a daughter somewhere in California. The effect that drugs have on ppl is horrible. I feel sad about things that she has had to go through & hope she cant get her life back in order before its too late.

how cute

2009-09-03T10:12:00.002-05:00

DAMN didn't even know this chic was preggers. I stole this pic from NecoleBitchie.com This is Nik Pace from America's Next Top Model. Don't know what season bc I'm not into that show like that. BUT anyway I thought her pregnancy pics were cute. I always said whenever I have a baby I want to take some pics like this. I just hope I look fly like her w my bun in the oven. Either way I thought the pics were cute. Theres more @ NecoleBitchie's site.

HELL NAW

2009-09-03T07:02:00.004-05:00

I'm listening to the Rickey Smiley show this morning online @ wrk, & their discussing how a mother & her toddler were in Walmart, & the child was crying. I'm guessing the child must have been hella loud or something, bc a old guy in Walmart told the mother, you better shut your child up she's getting on my nerves w all that crying. Then he said if you don't shut her up I will. HELL NAW! I'm sorry BUT it would have been on from there in Walmart & I wouldn't have a gave damn. So the lady proceeds to continue shopping, while the baby is still screaming & yelling. The man who is 61 yrs old, goes over to the woman's shopping cart, picks up the 2yr old girl & slaps the baby 4 or 5 times. Once again, Ima say HELL NAW. First off the man was wrong for even saying anything to the woman in the first place, I think. & he was totally out of line for even coming near her child. So after the man slaps the baby around, the mother is screaming & yelling in Walmart. I'm sorry it wouldn't have been any screaming or yelling, I would have been kicking that old man's ass. Anyway so the customers in Walmart ended up restraining the old guy until the police got there. I was too outdone when I heard this shit on the radio this morning. She couldn't have been a sistah bc like I said before the situation would have been addressed when his old ass said something the first time. SMH

Where Are They Now

2009-09-02T11:04:00.005-05:00

Bored @ work today, I decided to Google the group Total. Remember them?

They were on Bad Boy Records w Diddy. Well when I went to google & typed in Total, I looked for recent pics of them or hell any pics of them. & I came up w nothing. Well actually google only showed the cover of their albums. DAMN. I used to love Total. All of those girls had their own style & everything. They sounded good together. They would have to be my favorite girl group next to Xscape, & then maybe Destiny's Child. I'm just wondering whatever happened w them? I know one of the members had a baby/married Omar Epps. But what about the rest of them. I remember when Diddy was bringing out all the hottest artist. Now he's trying to make bands n shit. IDK. BUT is it me or does it seem like signing w Diddy is not a good idea? #justasking None of his groups or artist never workout. Need I even bring up that first season of Making The Band. That was when he put together that rap group Da Band w these fools.

That shit was pure comedy & drama mixed together. I'm not even going to speak on Danity Kane or any other artist that were affiliated w him previously. I just remember Bad Boy USED to be known for having all the hottest artist. As of now, I'm not sure whats going.

something on my mind

2009-09-02T10:38:00.002-05:00

This is all I can think about. Its going down this wknd. My weekend starts Thursday. Back to work on Tuesday.

a messy situation

2009-09-02T09:46:00.005-05:00

Rumors are False! Why won't they just let us be. Wayne is indeed the Father and there's no question. We are celebrating a life. Peace2:03 PM Aug 31st from TwitterBerry

I wish they would just let us enjoy this moment and stop putting false and negative energy out there.2:10 PM Aug 31st from TwitterBerry

This was taken from Lauren London's twitter pg. I can understand exactly where she is coming from w wanting her privacy & wanting to enjoy her pregnancy. BUT my whole thing is this, why do celebrities think that their lives & personal business will not be put on display. Say what you want BUT in my opinion that comes along w the territory. & not on only that why in the hell would Lauren London think that ppl would not be interested in her having a baby w Lil Wayne. I for one was shocked, that she would even be interested in Lil Wayne. Ive always thought of Lauren London being this really pretty, innocent girl, & she may very well be those things. Who am I to judge. But I'm just baffled @ the fact that she thinks ppl wouldn't be amused or @ least a little interested in her having a baby w this. My opinion is this she was fucking w Lil Wayne, probably wasn't even his girlfriend, & ended up getting pregnant. It was reported that she wanted to get an abortion but Lil Wayne told her if she did he would tell everyone. I think she just got caught up in a bad situation. Don't get me wrong a new life being brought into the world is beautiful & all that good shit BUT ppl need to be cautious of who they lay down with. I mean did she forget that he just had a baby by a Asian broad. & not only that he got Nivea walking around looking like she carrying 6 of his damn kids. smh & looking @ the way his ex-wife talked about how much she still loved him on the reality show Tiny & Toya, hell he's probably still banging her too. All I gotta say is this nigga is definitely living how he raps.....fucking every girl in the world. #GROSS

PHONE ETIQUETTE

2009-09-02T08:57:00.005-05:00

OK most of you all know I work in customer service. Before I got a job in customer service, I'm like OK this shit is going to be a breeze. All I have to do is sit on my ass @ a computer & answering the ph. HELL NAW! This is shit is deeper than that. Don't get me wrong I love my job, its as easy as 123. BUT on a certain days, I have to ask my self is this what I signed up for. There are so many pet peeves that come along w this job, its not even funny. So I decided to put together a list of my pet peeves that irritate the shit out of me on the ph.

1. DO NOT call a place of business yelling @ your kids in the background.

2. DO NOT call w your music blasting in the background.

3. When you call a place of business, make sure you have all of your personal information nearby. This includes address/zip code, alternate contact #'s, & email addresses. You would be amazed @ how many ppl call my job & do not know their own address/zip code.

4. PLEASE DO NOT ask me how I am doing & then when I attempt to answer you talk right over me.

5. DO NOT give me attitude when I simply ask you a ? I can simply ask a caller "Who am I speaking with ? They'll reply "why do you need to know my name?" what kind of shit is that?

6. DO NOT continue to ask me ?'s after I have already told you, I'm going to transfer you to someone that can answer all of your ?'s

7. & PLEASE @ least try to speak clear enough, so that I can understand what your saying.

8. DON'T get mad or frustrated w me bc I ask you to repeat yourself.

9. & DO NOT think bc you ask to speak w my supervisor, their going to tell you something different than what Ive already told you.

10. & last BUT not least I hate when ppl call & they just keep saying "um" they'll say um a thousand times before they actually tell you what the hell they want.

That's about all I can think of right now. BUT I'm sure theres more.

Whitney's Back

2009-09-02T07:31:00.004-05:00

I like Whitney Houston. I'm not going to lie & say I'm a huge fan of Whitney Houston, bc I'm not. I don't own any of her albums. BUT aside from that Whitney is a legend, & a great singer. I think my favorite song would have to be "I Will Always Love You". I was listening to radio on the ride to work this morning, & ppl were saying how Whitney isn't what she used to be. I don't know what Whitney used to be. BUT I am however glad that she found life AGAIN after Bobby Brown & after being under constant scrutiny from the media. I'm glad Whitney is back, & is now a changed woman. Because when I was watching her & Bobby on that reality show, I didn't know what the hell was going on. That reality show may not have been the best move for her. No, lie the show was funny as hell, watching her & Bobby act a damn fool. BUT the show did nothing for Whitney's image. I wanted to see her on Good Morning America this morning BUT I had to be @ wrk. I was on twitter this morning & a lot of ppl said they saw Whitney perform live on G.M.A. & that she sounded a mess. The comedian Lil Duval even tweeted " if u close yo eyes and listen to whitney houston sing u would swear its frankie". DEAD. Was it really that bad? I heard she's going on Oprah, so this should be interesting.

Monkey See Monkey Do

2009-09-01T15:28:00.003-05:00

i cant stand bishes that always want to copy the next bish. no matter what it is. if you get it they want it. if u thinking about going to get something, this bish makes it her business to have it before you do. cant stand females like that, however i do know someone like this. i just noticed within the last 2 or 3 yrs this bish is trying to compete w everyone around her. its like she doesnt have a mind of her own. what i want to know is why do ppl feel the need to compete or attempt to make themselves look like something their not. this bish has done it all, i remember during the same yr that i was in my first yr of college, i decided i didnt like dorm life anymore, so i got my own apartment. dont you know like a few months later this bish went & did the samething. she came over my house maybe a month ago & she hadnt been over in awhile, simply bc i do not fuck w her like that. so when she entered my apartment she's looking around saying how she likes my furniture etc etc. no sooner than she left my house dont you know she sent me a txt msg & said what size flat screen is that in your living room, im thinking about getting one. ok if you were so interested in the make & model of my televison wouldnt you have asked that, when you were commenting on everything else. i just cant. ive always been the type of person to live my life the way i see fit, not by the way my peers live their lives. what made do this post was bc today she text me & she's like do you know how to work twitter friom your ph. lying, i said no. Then she goes on to say so many ppl have been telling me to get a facebook pg. Bish get the fuck out of here. I know your type I know your kind. your hating ass jealous ass female that likes to compete w others, then you got the nerve to put another bish down thats doing better than you. Hello no I dont know shit about twitter, & Im cancelling my facebook pg. So she must have noticed me being not so nice in my text & she says whats wrong w you. Aint shit wrong w me, I just dont like copy cats. As one of my favorite bloggers would say "run your own race".

aint nobody fucking w her

2009-09-01T14:54:00.003-05:00

Monica will forever more be one of my favorite singers. I remember when I was younger & I heard her songs on the radio I thought she was a grown ass woman singing. Her voice is so strong. Then I saw her video & she was only like 15 yrs old. I have to say if I were ever to meet a celebrity, I would want it to be her. She seems genuine & down to earth. I don't think she would be on any Hollywood ish. I think Monica has always been the same. She hasn't changed a bit. She still looks & sounds the same. She has a reality show & a new album coming out, I'm excited about that. BUT who doesn't have a reality show these days? I heard this song called "Still Standing" that she did. & I love that song. Its one of my favorites. In the song she talks about how she's been thru everything up under the sun, & she's still here. She's learned from her mistakes & past experiences & is just focused on being a better person. I love it. I made the title of this post "ain't nobody fucking w her" bc that's my opinion. I say the same thing about Beyonce. Beyonce is a great singer, & a great writer, but I think its her performing skills that make her GREAT. The same thing w Monica she can sing & write BUT sometimes artist like her get swept under the rug & were stuck having to listen to a bunch of other bullshit.

Where YA @?

2009-08-31T10:46:00.002-05:00

sitting @ work bored. just realized today is the last day of the month, & my monthly friend has not visited yet. im known to have irregular cycles, so maybe she'll show up sooner or later.

still mad

2009-08-31T09:46:00.002-05:00

ok so i told yall last wk about how i was offered overtime @ work. & how one of my co-workers is furious that i have more overtime hrs than her. ok so i thought once the weekend came & left that shit would be cool the next wk. WRONG. do yall know this bitch came bk to wrk still mad? i mean is it really that serious for you to stop even speaking to your co-workers over 3 lil punk ass extra hrs? like i said she was never my friend before any of this happened, just someone that i chopped it up w @ wrk. a new commenter to my blog Traci left a comment stating how i should have never even let anyone know about my overtime hrs. & you know what she's exactly right. but still & all i did not think the woman would be this upset. & for her to be pissed @ me, is pointless. hell i didnt ask them for the hrs, they were offered to me. & if they wanted her to have the damn hrs & felt that she was even reliable enough they would have offered them to her. im not upset @ all about the situation. it is what it is. $ is the motivation, not petty ass females.

RANDOM

2009-08-27T15:05:00.002-05:00

I just had a thought about my dad #strange. I believe he's getting married soon if he hasn't already. I thought about calling him or texting him, again #strange. I don't know, its like when my mom came to visit last wk, I thought about just saying fuck EVERYTHING & putting all the shit behind me that has happened, as for as my relationship w my mom & dad. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that yet. I know they say to forgive BUT don't forget. I think it'll be easier for me to forgive my mom for our differences, more so than my dad. IDK. I'm #stubborn. I just don't want him to think that he's off the hook, bc I forgive him. Ive realized that my life can not be fully fulfilled until I get shit right w myself. My byfrnd has been suggesting for a while, that I work my issues out w my family. BUT like I said I'm stubborn. I don't like being evil to my love ones BUT......I don't know maybe I'll had this to my list of goals or maybe make it a New Yrs Resolution to work these issues out. What y'all think???

so she mad

2009-08-27T14:08:00.002-05:00

ok so today @ wrk the assistant supervisor come to me & says log off your computer & come into the office. i don't know about y'all BUT when i hear shit like that i get #scared. so I'm like oh shit. so i go into the office & its me, the assistant supervisor, & the head supervisor. so we make small talk @ first & then the head supervisor says well we have some extra hrs available if you would like them. i had already told myself a long time ago, i wasn't working any extra hrs in addition to the extra 4 that i already have. i don't know what it is w me, i can be the BIGGEST bitch sometimes, BUT its always hard for me to say NO to ppl. so i ask well what are the extra hrs. keep in mind Mon-Thurs my work shift starts @ 6am. Mon & Tues I wrk 6A-6P, temporarily they would like for me to start getting off @ 7P instead of 6. & Wed & Thurs I wrk 6A-4P on Wednesdays they would like for me to get off @ 6P. why you ask well according to the head supervisor our call volume has picked up tremendously. & theres not enough ppl to answer calls #NOTMYPROBLEM. BUT of course i didn't say that. i told them that i would have to think about it. the only reason i did not say NO is bc i know i could use the $. of course when ever you exit the bosses office ppl always wanna know what went down. immediately my co-worker starts emailing me asking me for the details. thinking nothing of it. i told her what we discussed. she emailed me bk furious bc they offered me more hrs than her. keep in mind they only offered me 4extra hrs. i guess what pissed her off is that that would make a total of 8 extra overtimes hrs for me, & only 4 for her. hey i cant help it, that I'm the chosen one. so in her email she's just going off & bad mouthing the supervisors n shit. & saying how the hrs they offered her wont do her any justice. in my mind I'm thinking is it really that serious? I'm not going to front the supervisors here do have & their picks & chooses & its not always fair BUT hell life isn't fair, bc if it were i wouldn't be contemplating taking these damn hrs. BUT for her to get upset about it w me was not cool. & then she keeps saying in her email "I'm not hating on you, I'm just saying". So I dont know...& I really don't care. We all gotta get in where we fit in.

THIS 4 YALL

2009-08-27T10:43:00.002-05:00

This is for all y'all that say you have NEVER seen a cute pic of Tiny, especially you Khaki. You know you always going in on my girl. I'll admit she does look different from her days w Xscape, BUT I think she's cute. I stole this pic off her myspace pg.

UM YEA OK

2009-08-27T09:41:00.002-05:00

Where do I start? Ok first off let me say this I like Keyshia Cole. I like her, I really do. I think she's an exellent songwriter. I wont speak on her live performances. I like the fact that she did the reality show. She wanted to show ppl where she came from & what she was really about, the reality show made me like her even more, well the 1st season anyway. BUT I'll be damned if Frankie & Neffe didnt get their own show. Not trying to be rude BUT who really gives two shits about them. Im not a hater by any means, BUT is it really OK for someones mother to act like that? & damn it how many damn kids is Neffe going to have? My whole point of this is why is it OK for ppl to act the way that they do, especially on television. & why does BET feel that its OK to glamorize that bullshit. I mean really what the hell are we learning from them? Every season Frankie's ass is acting like she's back on the pipe. & Neffe ass is mad & upset bc she's pregnant & trying to control Frankie. Clearly you can not help a person that does not want to be helped. Who is Neffe to be mad @ Frankie, when her ass keeps popping out all these damn kids, by these random ass guys. No judgement but, they cant teach me shit. Im not going to lie I was not @ all excited about Frankie & Neffe getting their own show, bc I knew that it would be the same fuckery. I watched the first episode & said DAMN aint shit changed, this is all just a re-run of the past seasons, & really it is. Neffe claims to have a book coming out, I find the book pointless bc she's already aired her filthy laundry on tv. But I guess everyone has to make a living one way or another.

BITCHIE

2009-08-26T10:53:00.003-05:00

Im not in a GOOD mood @ all today. It could be bc Im @ wrk & really dont want to be here. I have 5 vacation days left & PLEASE BELIEVE i will be using them bitches sooner than later. Im just tired of the same ol routine. Everyday its the same damn thing. Dont get me wrong Im thankful for my job, BUT some shit just gets on my nerves. First of all I dont consider anybody I work w to be my friend. Now there are a few girls that I will chit chat w & talk shit, but dont get it twisted were not FRIENDS. When Im @ wrk I just want to say hi & bye thats it. There is a list of shit that motherfuckers do @ wrk, that just piss me the fuck off.

DO NOT:
1. come to my desk, & be concerned about what the fuck I'm doing. Meaning don't ask me about what website I'm on nor who I am emailing. Mind your damn business.

2. If you see something on my desk, please do not touch, nor ask to see it. Get your own shit. Today I had my lotion out on my desk, & I'll be damned if a motherfucker didn't ask to use it.

3. DO NOT ask me what I'm eating nor what I brought for lunch. Maybe I'm just mean, BUT why is that any of your business.

4. & last BUT not least PLEASE do not act like your doing something in the area near my desk, & really be trying to sneak a peek @ my computer screen. that definitely get you a blank stare.

5. & if you realize that I appear to be in a bad mood, DO NOT continue to make conversation w me, or keep trying to chit chat thru email. I don't want to be bothered.

What's A HATER 2 U

2009-08-25T09:34:00.003-05:00

When checking my email this morning, I stumbled across this email from my mom. In the subject line it read, HATER. Im like oh lord what is this lady talking about now. The I read the email. Its a poem my Maya Angelou. I love Maya Angelou, Ive read a few of her poems & she's the TRUTH.

Hater/ By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their
time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb
(if he / she isn't about the right thing)

e) Raise your children without both parents being
in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be
on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are
not hating on you including the person who sent it to you.

If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody out!
Don't worry about it, it's not your problem, it's theirs..
Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as
yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't become
a HATER!

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man
should have to seek Him first to find her.' *I loved this part*

Maya Angelou

I CAN NOT WAIT.....

2009-08-24T07:49:00.003-05:00

for Labor Day. this will be my first off day in like forever. some of yall know that i only work Mon-Thurs, but having Friday's off sometimes means absolutely nothing. half the damn time it doesnt even seem like i work 4 days a week. i already have my Labor Day planned out. im BBQ'n everything under the sun, I LOVE BBQ. i plan on pigging the fuck out that day. ima make sure to have my Grey Goose on deck. for some odd reason Grey Goose is the only thing i can drink that does not make me sick the next day or leave me w a horrible hangover. me knowing that i will have that day off, is the only thing thats getting me thru these long ass boring days at work.

Their No Longer In My Wallet

2009-08-20T21:44:00.001-05:00

So glad I finally paid these bishes off. Credit card are no joke. I reccommend not having one unless you can control your spending bc the shit will catch up w you. Thats all folks.

MY FAVORITE

2009-08-20T19:59:00.003-05:00

Fave position all day any day.

SO WHAT IM A THIEF

2009-08-20T12:29:00.006-05:00

I stole this from one of my new favorite bloggers, SUNSHINESTAR110. shouts out to her. i just started reading her blog today, i like it.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? rent
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? cant even remember
3. What do you really want to be doing right now? @home relaxing w a blunt in my hand
4. How many colleges did you attend? 2
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? I couldn't find any thing else to wear to work
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices? Too damn high
7. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I was actually happy bc my weekend starts today & tomorrows payday
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night? did this nigga really just suggest that i get the same tatt as his ex
9. Do you miss being a child? Ummmm.....Im not sure
10. What errand/chore do you despise? cleaning the bathroom
11. Get up early or sleep in? even if i try to sleep late I CANT. im to used to waking up early
12. Have you found real love yet? i think so
13. Favorite lunch meat? turkey
14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? deodarant & bunch of uneccesary stuff
15. Beach or lake? beach
16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No
17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? I dont watch either one. BUT if i did it would probably be the Sopranos.
18. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Beyonce
19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? ive had one car accident. it wasnt my fault.
20. Ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? No
21. Ring tone? my ph is always on vibrate or silent....no need for ringtones
22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? i only brush in the bathroom
23. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? Beverly Hills
23. Do you go to church? NO BUT i need to start going
24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? a new career
25. How old are you? 23
26 Do you have a go-to person? my friend that ive known since elemntrary school
27. Are you where you want to be in life? Not Yet.
28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons? Muppet Babies
29. What about you do you think has changed the most? the way i look @ life. im way more mature & knowledgeable
30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? somewhat
32. Did you ever own troll dolls? NO but i had a lot of teddy bears
33. Did you have a pager? i had several of them. i remember the bill was like $10 LMAO

QUICK ?

2009-08-20T10:29:00.003-05:00

AM I RUDE? My mom sends me a txt this morning saying on there drive from ATL their coming thru my city, & were wondering if they could crash @ my place. My whole thing is whenever they come to visit my whole household is turned upside down. I don't like cleaning up behind other ppl or having to tiptoe around ppl. I feel like when they come I have to change the way I live. No walking around in my panties, or sparking up a blunt whenever I feel. So I txt her back & I'm like Im supposed to be having company on Friday night (lie). I guess she think I forgot about the last time she stayed @ my house. Her ass got mad @ me & started screaming & yelling (in my house) bc she offered me a piece of Popeye's chicken & I didn't eat it right away, I guess she ignored the fact that I was barbecuing as well. When my mom relocated 5yrs ago, I stayed behind just bc I knew that I would not & did not want to deal w her. (For reasons why please visit previous post) I love my mom but her & I are just not on the same pg & have not been for sometime now. Its so hard for me to really say how I feel. Like I have a lot of resentment towards her bc I just feel like I was always treated like the step child. I feel like this is someone that did me wrong in the past but is now trying to comeback into my life. I can not forget the past. Apart of me feels weird to be around her, its like being around someone that I just met, I'm uncomfortable. I asked my boyfriend if he understood where I was coming from in not wanting to allow them to stay w me. He said understood, but I'm not quite sure. I just wanted to know if anyone felt like i was wrong?

WHY WHY WHY??????

2009-08-20T07:18:00.003-05:00

WHY did I NOT get a raise after being on my job for a friggin yr? Not to mention Ive been working overtime since last September. WTF is going? I thought for sure I was going to get a pay increase. I just knew after getting my 1yr evaluation that I would see a pay increase on my check stub. NO!!!!!

ARE U SERIOUS???

2009-08-20T06:52:00.004-05:00

This week my mom, brother, & step dad are all in ATL w all my other family dropping my cousin off @ school for his first yr of college. When my mom told me they were going to be in ATL for a whole week, I already knew that there was going to be plenty of DRAMA & stories to tell when they got bk home. So last night my mom calls & basically scares the shit out of, like SERIOUSLY! She calls & tells me that the night before last my little brother who is 16 & my cousin who is probably like 12 when swimming in the hotel pool. All she know is that my step dad came bk to the hotel room SOAKING WET, from head to toe. His clothes are wet his shoes are wet, basically just a mess. So she proceeds to ask my step dad what happened. She said he just burst into tears, & kept repeating my brothers name over & over. So my mom is freaking out like what happened. LONG STORY short, my fucking brother almost drowned, & basically if my step dad hadn't of went to the pool when he did, my brother would have been dead. Funny thing about this story is the exact same day that it happened, I visioned it happening. NO LIE, I had a vision that my brother would be in some sort of life threatening situation. & the only reason why I didn't call & tell my mother about my vision is bc she always says that I'm over reacting & all other that other BS. The week before they left to go out of town, I called my moms house & once again, my brother was getting ready to go "swimming". Clearly he does not know how to swim. So i asked him well when you go swimming do you stay in the shallow end, he says no bc I know how to swim. -blank stare- Um no you don't. After my mom told me that story I was FUCKING PISSED @ her, & she couldn't understand why. First of all this my brothers second time almost drowning. The first time was @ Six Flags in Hurricane Harbor. The million fucking dollar ? is if you know that your child CAN NOT swim, why the fuck do you constantly let them go swimming or near water? STUPIDITY AT ITS FINEST. Sometimes I just have to say to my mom "ARE U SERIOUS"? bc the shit she says & does, does not make sense. After getting off the ph w her, needless to say my mind was just in another place, I kept remembering everything she had just said to me on the ph, it kept making me mad. So i got my cell ph & i sent my brother a long ass txt msg, tell him exactly how i felt about the situation holding nothing back. He text me bk & said that he would never go swimming AGAIN for as long as he lives. Hope he keeps his promise, bc my heart wouldn't be able to take it, if he wasn't around.

BLANK STARE

2009-08-20T06:35:00.003-05:00

OK so last night me & my guy were laying in bed after doing the do. & were all cuddled up & making kissey face. Meanwhile he's rubbing on my back, while I'm laying on his chest. So then he proceeds to tell me "babe i think u should go ahead & get your tattoo on your back." Now i love tattoos & all but i refuse to get something marked on my body that's pointless. Ive been debating whether or not to get another tattoo, but i just can not decide what i want. So I ask him well what do u think i should get? Already knowing that he's going to suggest that I get his name. So of course he suggest first that i get his name on my lower back, I laughed off that idea. So then he says well maybe you should get "beautiful" on your back. So i layed there for awhile, & then I just immediately went OFF. Why u ask? Well bc "beautiful" is what his girlfriend before me had tatted on her lower back. He must have forgotten that he showed he me her myspace pg, when i had asked him before what she looked like. So i said why do u suggest that i get that tattoo? If course he says "i dunno". So I sat up in the bed & i said did u suggest that i get that tattoo bc that what your last girlfriend had? "What? man, what are u talking about?" So then I refresh his memory. He says "I forgot all about her & that damn tattoo". I just said "yea ok". Of course I went back & forth w him about the issue & got nothing out of it. I just thought that was strange & random as hell, for him to suggest that i get that same tattoo that as his previous girlfriend.

Doing ME

2009-08-18T08:55:00.004-05:00

Im very proud of myself. Ive been going to the gym reguarly for 6 months now. I chose thepic above bc that is one of my favorite pieces of equipment to use @ the gym. The elliptical, gets the job done. It works your arms, back, butt, thighs, & legs. I LOVE that damn machine, its the first piece of equipment that I use when entering the gym.Ive been doing the DAMN thing, if I must say so myself. I looked @ my reflection in the glass door the other day @ work & I had to say DAAYYYUUUM to myself!!!! Ive been focusing on trying to live a healthy, drama free life, & Ive been successful for the most part. Im not trying to be super skinny, I just want to be healthier, feel better, have more energy, & look great in everything I wear. Lately Ive been writing out certain goals for myself & giving myself certain amount of time to accomplish these goals, & so far things are going great. I was talking to my boyfriend last night, & I said I know I complain about any & everything, BUT when it all boils down to it, Im happy w my life. I have everything I need. Everything else that I want would just be materialistic, & can be obatained over time. Overall Im happy. Livign life & doing me. Get with it or get lost.

WOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!

2009-08-15T10:49:00.004-05:00

I woke up & saw this on the internet this morning.

http://www.crazyimage.net/images/williexhx.jpg

MISS THEM

2009-08-14T10:18:00.001-05:00

I really wish these bishes would get back together & do a reunion or something. I like these 3 better than the original girls. Their last album, was the best in my opinion. I was bored earlier so i got on youtube & listened to some of their songs. I miss them. But Bey is holding it down for now.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

2009-08-13T15:46:00.004-05:00

I personally heart Kim Kardashian. I think she's very beautiful & i fell in love w her after seeing her reality show, or maybe it was the sex tape. SMH Either way, I think Kimmy needs to be single for a while. Like honestly the last few public relationships shes has had have not been successful. We all know what happened w Ray J, I'm not even going to speak on that bc I have a copy of the dvd @ home. I loved her & Reggie Bush together. For some odd reason or another I thought that relationship would work out. My ? is why do celebrities get in relationships, & then decide that they wont to break up bc they don't get to spend enough time together? Well @ least that's why Kim & Reggie claim to have broken up. & yes I did see the interview online of the jump off that caused the break up between the two. I'm not going to hate on the young woman, clearly everyone has to get $ one way or another. Her way of obtaining $, I guess is by pursuing athletes. Oh but wait I'm guessing she didn't get too much out of the relationship bc she stated in her interview that Reggie was cheap. I cant stand a cheap man. She also stated their was a sex tape. I'm waiting for that. LOL! However I just wish Kim the best of luck, although I think Reggie should have been honest w her & vice versa. I think Kim should use the time to just do her, you know get her head together & figure out whats next.

same shit

2009-08-12T13:35:00.003-05:00

Ive definitely been being a lazy beyootch when it comes to blogging, but to be honest aint shit going on w me worth talking about. Right now Im just focusing on paying bills, trying to keep my credit straight bc a bish will be making moves next yr. Im trying to pay my vehicle off & do some other shit w my $ besides giving it to bill collectors. On another note work is work. Same bullshit just a different day. The company overworking ppl & not over compensating. I swear ppl will use until they cant use anymore. Everytime I turn around my place of employment needs something, their forever calling me asking me to cover someone shift or stay late. Usually I dont mind helping out but the shit is just getting out of hand, not to mention the supervisors are horrible when it comes to communicating w employees. Ive said it before this is the most unprofessional group of human beings, I know. The only thing thats keep me motivated is the $. Ive already said next yr will be my yr. Im on bigger & better things. WATCH ME.

sidenote: i couldnt think of shit to blog about, but the bullshit thats taking place currently.

UNTITLED

2009-08-04T07:48:00.002-05:00

This weekend I decided to do something different & hang out w my guy & a few of his friends. NOW usually I will not hang out w them just bc I always end up feeling awkward or out of place. A lot of the times I feel uncomfortable bc they hardly ever bring their girlfriends around. & what do I look like sitting up under my man & all his homeboys, I just don't do that. My guy is constantly saying to me, how if were going to be together he wants me to get along w all of his friends & feel comfortable in all situations. Well hell I tried to be the bigger person & try & interact w his friends & their better half's & it didn't wrk. So now its to the point where if my guys friends are having a get together or any social events, I DO NOT ATTEND. I choose not to go just based on the fact there is never any women around. & my guy constantly says it shouldn't matter if there are women around or not, your w me. He's the type of person that just wants everybody to be happy & get along. So anyway this past wknd we went over to his friends house, he & his girlfriend live together. Now were sitting in the living room its me, my guy & his two homeboys. All the while were sitting in the living room watching tv & talking shit, the girlfriend I guess is in the bedroom. Do you know this broad NEVER left the area of the house where she was to even introduce herself to me, or even to see who the fuck was in her home. If I'm @ home & my guy decides to have company & I hear a female voice, don't you know Ima walk my ass to where they are & see who is all up in my house. So now my guy & his friends are planning this wknd getaway. It supposed to be all the guys & their girlfriends. I mean damn before I agree to a wknd away, I would at least like to know a little about the bishes I'm dealing with. I'll keep y'all posted on this one.

My Life According to Keyshia....I Guess

2009-07-28T17:35:00.005-05:00

OK dearly beloved tagged me for this ish, & I swear doing this was like an unwanted homework assignment. I kept puttting this ish off for forever & ever. She says its a funny little activity, yea ok LOL!

Instructions: Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST OR BAND, answer these questions. Pass it on to 12 people and include me. You can't use the artist or band I used. Do not repeat a song title. Re post as "My Life According to (ARTIST OR BAND NAME)"

Pick Your Artist: Keyshia Cole

Are you a male or female? : Didnt I Tell You

How do you feel: Brand New

Describe where you currently live: I Remember

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: I Changed My Mind
Your favorite form of transportation: Guess What?

Your best friend is: Heaven Sent

Your favorite color is: Down & Dirty

What's the weather like: Beautiful Music

Favorite time of the day: Last Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: The Way It Is

What is life to you: Love

Your relationships: Situations

Your Fear: Trust

What is the best advice you have to give: Let It Go

If you could change your name, you would change it to: Superstar

Thought for the day: Where This Love Could End Up

How I would like to die: Never

My souls present condition: Erotic

& I chose to tag the following ppl. If I had to do this ish so do yall. Hahahaha!
1) Eptitome
2) Nina (Socialites Life)
3) Kenya
4) Kiwi
5) Bella

NOT A GOOD LOOK

2009-07-28T06:58:00.003-05:00

WHO THE HELL IS DOING TYRA's hair these days??? This ish looks a mess. I know she can come better than this.

I USUALLY DONT DO THIS

2009-07-25T10:53:00.004-05:00

I usually dont update my blog on the weekends but i had to. I went to see this last night & OMFG!!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!! It was the best movie Ive seen in a long time. I wont give the details of the movie. BUT this is defintiely a MUST SEE. See this bitch is crazy. Ok now back to enjoying my weekend.

MY WEEKEND PLANS....

2009-07-23T13:51:00.006-05:00

A LOT OF PPL DO NOT LIKE RED LOBSTER, BUT IT HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE RESTARAUNTS. I WILL BE THERE THIS WEEKEND FUCKING UP LOTS OF FOOD.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO SEE THIS MOVIE.

FOLLOW THESE BISHES

2009-07-23T10:19:00.002-05:00

Hey yall. I logged on & saw that I had some new followers, that ALWAYS makes me happy! Thanks for being interested even though I dont update as much as I would like to. But even when I dont update, there are just certain blogs that I must read. I have a lot of different blogs that I MUST read, whenever I log onto blogger. So Ive put together a short list of blogs that yall NEED to be following if you not. Here they are......

& just so yall know these are REALLY my favorite blogs. Ive read all of their post frontwards & backwards!!!!

www.the-beautifully-flawed-one.blogspot.com

www.socialiteslife-nina.blogspot.com

www.justcuzimcrazy.blogspot.com

www.absolutebrook.com

www.complexsimplicity-mythoughts.blogspot.com

He CAN GET IT!!!!

2009-07-22T09:41:00.003-05:00

OK I know aint blogged in a minute BUT is this not the one of the sexiest men in America. DAMN!

UM.....

2009-07-14T07:22:00.002-05:00

Um I really don't have much to blog about right now. Nothing out of the ordinary going on. Oh my 1yr anniversary @ my job is approaching, so I'm expecting to see an increase in pay. I'll keep y'all posted on that one. Their was something that I wanted to blog about, but shit I smoke, I cant remember now. Finally got a new cell ph, which I'm totally in love w. Now I have twitter @ my fingertips! SHOUTS out to Khaki for finally joining twitter after many request from me. Um..... I guess that's all for now folks.

UPDATE

2009-07-09T13:13:00.002-05:00

OK lets talk about stalking ass females. Lets talk about desperate, dry, THIRSTY ass females. OK so yall remember the post about the chick I USED to be cool w. I know yall remember the one where the bitch was basically begging me to be friends w her AGAIN. Well yall & read shit yet, till yall read this bullshit. Why the fuck did this bitch email me AGAIN, but I guess @ this point this broad was feeling a certain type of way. But hold on.... this bitch put in the subject line of the email "Wow How Sad (my name here)" Bitch aint shit sad about me. Im happy, healthy, & living my life. & trying desperatley to avoid thirsty females. Now your the one thats sad. Sad because I wont be friend your again or set aside time to email yo lame ass back. Now that sad. But here goes the email.... (my name here),

This is (her name) AGAIN. You know that's real messed up that you couldn't even reply to my email. It would be good to know that you are still breathing and healthy. You may have just missed a blessing because you don't know where I am in my life today.

Forget trying to be friends again obviously you didn't care to much. We were just kids and since we are grown now you can't even forgive me for what happened in the past? That's sad but I guess thats how you are.

I'm not begging to be freinds cuz I have true friends in my life but you could have at least said something back. This is my last email to you so don't worry about me bugging you because I have a GREAT life also.

Do it big,
(her name)

My whole thing is bitch your thirsty, bc aint no way Im about to put aside time to fucking email a broad I havent talked to in @ least 8 yrs. Then her tone in this email is as though she is upset w me for not responfing. Im the type of person I only give you one chance to fuck me over, & she definitely fucked me over. Theres no way that we would ever be friends. Now there is a possibiloty when I see her I just might whoop her ass. But never a possibility to be friends. & then she keep pressing the issue about how her life is so great etc etc etc. GIRL PLEASE. MOVE ON.

MORE BLOGS

2009-07-02T15:06:00.002-05:00

Ive said it before I love to read. Whenever Im @ home or at work bored, reading really helps my time pass. So to all of my followers if possible can you all suggest blogs for me to read, I'll read any blog, but Im not really into the fashions blogs. Please suggest more blogs for my reading time. Thanx

Keri Hilson

2009-07-02T14:21:00.002-05:00

Ive never really paid Keri Hilson much attention. But at the 2009 BET awards during her acceptance speech, I couldn't help but notice how strikingly beautiful she is. She's gorgeous. & that's all I have to say. Ive heard on several blogs & from ppl that have attended her concerts that she is a total BITCH. Just down right rude. & I heard the song where she supposedly dissed Beyonce, all I gotta say is don't fuck w Bey. Even though I think Bey is totally over saturated, she's still a bad bitch. I loved her performance on the awards she was amazing. & was I the only that saw her singing along when Jay Z performed? I love it hip hop royalty.

No Bed Rocking

2009-07-02T13:40:00.004-05:00

Ive been debating for a while as to whether or not to blog about this. But fuck it. My sex is life is whack, simply put. I'm in a very committed relationship & have been for 2yrs. I don't think Ive ever really experience wack sex until now. In the past if I was dealing w a guy that was weak in the penis area, please believe he made it up for it w great mouth service. Ive just noticed recently in the last few months that I'm not being pleased @ all. Now don't get me wrong its not as if every time we fuck its wack, but its becoming more & more evident that something needs to be done. I'm not going to point fingers in this situation, just bc I wont. I read on blogs all the time how women always say "if a nigga aint fucking me right, or his dick aint big enough, I'm not fucking w him". I can relate to this. But we've been together 2yrs, 2 long ass yrs if you ask me. & I refuse to let this relationship go, bc of sex. I'll work on the things that need to be fixed, & if the problem persist then I think I will have to seek other options. But this guy is different from any other guy that Ive ever been w. He does things for me that no other guy ever thought twice about doing. Point blank he's just different & very special to me. Now I'm not saying that he's slacking in the peen area, by no means. But like Ive said for the past few months Ive just been bored w sex. Sometimes I can go all during the week w/o giving him any, & not think twice about it. & its crazy before I got w him I used to crave sex all the time. I think part of the problem is I work extremely long hrs & by the time I get home, sex is the last thing on my mind. Basically the intimate area of our relationship really needs to be spiced up. Ive commented on a few other ppl's blog about oral sex, that's just something I cant get jiggy w. Don't get me wrong if Im in the mood & really horny then I will give head, other than that my lips are sealed. Before I start get comments about not giving head, let me tell yall I'm working on it ppl. & yes I already know what I wont do another woman will. Blog family I know yall can help me out w this. Give me tips, suggestions. Let me know what yall think.

TRUST

2009-07-01T07:51:00.004-05:00

Keyshia Cole & Monica's "Trust" is one of my favorite songs right now. In my opinion its actually one of the best songs Ive ever heard from Keyshia. Even though I like the song I have to say trust is something that has to be earned & it takes time. The day I meet you, I'm not going to automatically trust you. It may take me months or yrs to trust someone. I decided to speak on the word trust bc me & some of my co workers were discussing trust in relationships. Well actually we were speaking about the Chris Brown & Rihanna situation. I was personally never was a fan of either artist. But it was reported that Rihanna was attacked by Chris bc she was reading txt msgs in his ph. Now my co worker says if your looking thru your mates cell ph then you obviously don't trust the person. Everybody is trusted to a certain extinct. Theres no one in my life that I fully trust 100%. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. In today's day & age it is so hard to trust ppl & know who is really in your corner & not just bullshitting. I mean I have various reasons for not trusting ppl. The first ppl you learn to trust when your brought in the world are your parents. As a child your helpless, you have to rely on someone to nourish you, keep you alive & healthy. My first encounter w trust was my father leaving my mother alone to be a single mother. From there forth he would always make promises about what he was going to do. "Oh I'm going to take you here & there" but he sometimes he would never show up, or only keep up half of his bargain. It came to a point where I just stopped believing him. If I cant hold a person liable for what they say & do, then how can I trust you? I don't trust men period, partially bc of my dad & also bc of my own personal experience w men. As Ive said before everyone is to be trusted to a certain extinct. There is maybe one person that I trust completely 100% & that would be my maternal grandparents, more so my grandmother. I say I trust her completely bc she has never steered me wrong, & she's one of the most honest ppl Ive ever met, I love her for that. Some might ask well your in a relationship now, do you not trust your mate? I trust him but as Ive said to a certain extinct. He's done things in the past that would elude to me not fully trusting him. Will I ever fully trust him, um maybe. But that's not to say that I go around snooping thru his shit or accusing him of things. Now if I feel that he's done something to deceive me, of course I'm going to address the situation accordingly. Sometimes men associate women w not trusting & say that the woman is insecure. In some cases the woman might be insecure, please believe if a woman is acting insecure or jealous it usually stems from something that the man has done. As some of you may know I'm engaged, I'm looking forward to marriage & kids, but somethings can really leave you w a distraught perception of marriage. For example recently in the news there was a guy that strangled his wife & 2 kids to death, all bc he was too scared to file for divorce. He also had a mistress in another state whom he swore to that he was divorcing his wife, all the while, he was planning to kill her & their kids. His wife probably trusted him completely & would never guess that he would have committed such a crime. I have a limited amount of female friends & 1 male friend who is gay. I only discuss certain issues w my friends, I only tell them what they need to know. Women can be vicious, catty & extremely jealous. They run their mouths like running water & will not hesitate to tell your business if you piss them off to the extreme. Point blank trust no one until they show you otherwise.

LESSON LEARNED

2009-07-01T07:20:00.002-05:00

Over the weekend on my way to the grocery store, I get a txt msg from one of my old BFF's. I'll call her my old BFF bc we haven't seen each other in over a yr & not only that we only communicate thru txt & email. Even though she practically lives across the street from now. But I'll save that for another post. Any who she txt me & says that she saw my ex boyfriend on the news the night before, & he was arrested for robbing a Mobil gas station @ gun point w a white girl. When I read that txt msg my heart sank, I knew it was true. Now me & my ex have not seen each other in almost 3yrs. Well actually I always see him in traffic, but refuse to give him any of my time & energy. It'll be 3yrs this August that we've been broken up. We had a REALLY bad breakup, I wont go into all the details. BUT I will say that this was a relationship that taught me a lot & showed me a lot of different things. Every woman has been w that guy that they knew was NO GOOD for them, but they persist & try to continue to be w the person. Clearly you can not force anything that will not fit. This relationship was doomed from day one. But I clearly saw something in this person, I believed in him & thought that he would change but obviously he hasn't. So anyway after my friend sends me the txt msg I immediately call her to try & get the details of what she saw & heard on the news. Her being her of course she did not get all the details. All she heard was that he was arrested for first degree robbery w a white girl. So me being the detective that I am, I race home & immediately get on the net to see what the fuck is going on. It took me maybe about 15-20 mins to find the actual story, & when I found the story & read the details, I simply thanked God. I thanked God for removing from that relationship when he did, & for helping me to find somebody 10x better. Sad to say but if I would have continued in that relationship I do not know where I would be now, & that's real talk. Sometimes in life you have to go thru a lot before you truly figure out who you are & whats right & wrong for you. After seeing his mugshot online & viewing the details of his arrest, I was shocked & apart of me was like damn why are you tripping on him? Then I asked myself did I still love him & I answered yes. I do still love him. But why in the hell could I possibly still have love for someone that deceived me & manipulated me on a daily basis. It has always been hard for me dealing w break ups. My heart still loves him, but I'm no longer in love w him. Even though he was a foul ass person, I pray that he can get his life together & be who I know he can be.

I STILL LOVE U

2009-06-19T16:43:00.002-05:00

So this morning me & the "Mr" had an argument. The argument basically was bc I feel like he is inconsiderate & does not pay attention when I speak. I just get tired of saying the same damn things over & over, it's like he doesnt get it. I love him like I have never loved a boy before, I will refer to him as a boy bc thats what he is acting like. Its like whenever he knows what Im saying is right, he gets defensive & wants to go against me & argue & all that other bullshit. This morning it was entirely too early to be arguing & Im tired of feeling like a fucking broken record, saying the same shit over & over. So I gave his ass his walking papers. This is not to say that I dont want to be w him anymore, or that my feelings will change. I simply think we need to just be friends, I have told him this several times, but he disagrees. First of all I think we spend way too much time together, & I feel like he does not take time to understand what I am saying, so before I create another problem for myself, I will get rid of it. Now my ass sitting @ home lonely & bored as hell. I keep jumping on & off the computer, trying to entertain myself. I dont really like talking on the ph so I will pass on that. I keep looking out the window thinking that Im going to see his car pull up any minute, even though Im certain that we need space from each other. I can already tell its going to be a long night for me. Ive been up since 7:30 AM & have yet to take a nap. Ive noticed that its really hard for me to sleep when he's not here, but this is the choice that I have made. I only did what I felt was right. BUT even after all this, I still love him.

NEW & OLD Followers

2009-06-16T07:44:00.003-05:00

Im always excited when I log onto blogger & I see have more followers. I really have to set aside a day/time to read all of your blogs, Ive glanced over some & have read some interesting stories already. I like blogging its my way to let EVERY & ANYTHING loose w ppl that feel just like me, or share the same thoughts & opinions as I do. I heart my blog family, were all crazy & special in our own way. For any of my new & old followers that have twitter, lets keep in touch. Follow me on twitter.com/beemiss I tried to used missbee but of course that was already taken. Ok gotta go TTYL

The Wound Has Already Healed

2009-06-16T07:05:00.003-05:00

Usually on the weekends I try to sleep as late as possible, shit Im lying the latest I can probably sleep is until 8AM. So anywho this past Saturday I woke up early bc the chinese food from the night before was getting to my stomach, so I had went to the bathroom to handle my biz, sorry if thats T.M.I. When going to the bathroom if I know Im going to be in there for a while, I take my cell ph, so that I can twitter, check email, & stalk facebook pages. So Im checking my email, & I see an email from someone by the name of "Check My Swag", & in the subject line it reads "I hope this reaches you". So by this time Im like who the fuck is this, I dont even know anyone that uses the word swag SMH. I open the email to read it, & Im shocked by what I find. The email was from a female that I used to be friends w a VERY LONG time ago, Ive known her since like the 2nd grade, she & I have not spoke since the beginning of my freshmen yr of high school. Let me rewind dont get me wrong, her I USED to be hella tight, but every female has that friend that does not want them to be friends w anyone else but them. This bitch would get mad whenever I would do things w my other female friends, I mean she would cop a major attitude, so I simply got tired of her bullshit & stop calling her or accepting any of her ph calls. I was feeling like damn this bitch is trying to control me, almost like we were in a relationship, which was not the case. I just got tired of her over bearing behaviors & cut the bitch off, then I would try to do stuff w my other friends & invite her & she would just be rude to all my friends, so @ this point Im like this bitch is crazy.I guess after the first month went by w/o us talking & she realized that I really was not fucking w her anymore she got furious. This bitch sends a letter to my house in an enevelope w/o a return address. At this time I was still living w my mother, so she decides to address the letter to my mother. The letter contained a bunch of bogus ass lies & was just simply disrespectful to say the least. In the letter she's telling my mom how I lost my virginity @ an early age, which was true. Then she goes on to say how Im sleeping w several different guys, all various ages, & how I even had sex in my moms bed one time, all of this was a lie, so I was truly hurt by all of this. & she continued on in the letter w more bogus ass lies. Now my mother did not think anything of the letter bc she knew that the bitch was simply mad bc I ended our friendship. For starters my mom never liked her. You know how some mothers just have those gut feelings about certain ppl, thats how my mom was. She basically HATED her. Because as my mom would say she was "fast tail little girl". So anywho in the email that this broad sends me she's telling me how she misses our friendship, & a part of her feels lost w/o having her having me as friend. She's telling me how she thinks about me all the time....you know what fuck it, Ima just copy & past the email & let yall see for ya self. Here it goes......

(MY NAME)

So every once and a while I think about the friend I lost. So tonight I decided to google your name and there you were on the (name of my old high school) Alumni site. For starters this is (her name), your best friend from elementary. Now that I have found you I just want to clear the air because we left on a bad note.

First, I do aplogize for sending your mom that letter about you. It was wrong and I thought it would make you call me to at least to curse me out, but then I would apologize to you, apologize to your mom for lieing and we would be back cool. That didn't go as planned and I've always felt like a part of me was missing after we lost contact. That sounds real lame but it's true.

Second. I was working at Red Lobster a few years ago and saw your mom and when she saw me I heard her tell her friend "That's the lil girl who been playing on my mothers phone". I didn't say anything to her because I was working. I want to clear this up in case you believed that. I have never even called your grandmothers house because I didn't have her phone number. Your grandmother was a nice lady and I wouldn't disrespect her. Think about it I never played on your phone why would I do that to someones grandmother?

Another thing about your mom. SHE HATES MY GUTS, but I knew that since day one because she knew I was fast. Of course she wanted to keep you safe. Anyways I was cleaning the restroom at Red Lobster and she came in to wash her hands. I was cleaning the mirror she looked at me, threw her paper towel on the sink (not in the trash) and walked out. I didn't say shit because she looked so upset. I wanted to ask her how you were doing but it all happened so fast. Ask her about I'm sure she remembers the Red Lobster on (name of street).

Well this email has been long as fuck and I do hope we can be friends again. We were just kids and we had a really great friendship in my opinion. So much has happened in my life and I would love to share it with you. It's crazy because I have alot of friends but for some reason I still miss you (in a non gay way) LOL. If you want to talk reply to this email or call me at(her ph # here).

Love Always,
(her name)

Now dont get me wrong I contemplated calling her or even replying to the email but WTF for? Yea true enough we were just young bucks when all that ish went down, but anybody w common sense knows that the way you gain back a friend is not to send disrespectful obscene letters to someones parent(s). & furthermore I have enough deranged ass friends to deal w @ this point, & Im not in the business of making new friends, Im not a friendly person. & to wait 5yrs later to send an email or try to contact me come on now, not gonna work. I wish her the best of luck in all her endeavors, but I refuse to go back & open up wounds that have already healed.

Orgasm Ruined

2009-06-11T07:00:00.002-05:00

Orgasm ruined definitely explains what happened to me last night. So I'm in the midst of receiving head last night from the Mr. & not just any head FIRE head. So as soon as I get ready to reach my peak & let go, WTF do I feel? I feel my right leg becoming extremely tight, so I'm doing my best to focus on getting my issue off, while trying to hold my leg still to see if the fucking cramp will go way. No the damn thing did not go away it only got worse. The cramp got worse to the point where I ended up just rolling over & having to let the cramp work itself out. Talk about someone being pissed, I was beyond pissed. Once the pain from the cramp goes away, he proceeds to continue w his duties, needless to say I was no longer in the mood. I ended up having Nick AT Nite put my ass to sleep SMH. Now here it is the next morning & my damn leg is still sore. Better luck next time, I guess.

YEA OK.......

2009-06-10T06:49:00.002-05:00

So since the last incident w my supervisor where he called me annoying & ordered me to leave his office, he's been trying to be EXTRA nice to me. You know going out of his way to say hi & bye to me, when he hardly ever acknowledges me. Im paying him no mind, & keeping the "fuck you pay me" mentality in my mind. Its too late to try to make a truce. Like I said before I repsect him as a businessman but nothing more. Yesterday when leaving work he was all friendly saying bye to me & shit & how he wanted to speak to me when he was not busy. WHAT THE FUCK ever. I feel that this is his way of trying to say that he was wrong or sorry. Not to toot my own horn but he needs to realize that Im a fucking hot commodity @ this job. After all it is his assitant that always coming to me asking for the correct spelling of various words. Now what kind of shit is this? I mean I can do this damn job in my fucking sleep its just that fucking simple. The last time I received a re-evaluation I was the top 3rd representative @ this company. Whenever he decides to meet w me, I will of course be on my best behavior, as well as demand respect. Were all humans we all make mistakes, but damn it we all deserve a certain level of respect as well.

Workplace Etiquette

2009-06-08T07:22:00.004-05:00

I'm convinced that my boss has a major mental disability or some shit. Thursday, 15 mins before its time for me to leave to go home, this motherfucker comes to me questioning me about a call that I had the day before. Keep in mind that sometimes I either work 10 or 12 hrs a day, most days damn near answering 100 different calls. He asks me the specifics of the call, I explain the call to him to the best of my ability. I guess the way that I was explaining the call wasn't good enough for him, so instead of him either going back & listening to the recording of the call, he wants to keep questioning me about it. Finally I guess when he realized he wasn't going to get the answer he was looking for, he demands that I leave his office bc I'm annoying him. Now Ive heard of freedom of speech & all that good shit, but damn it isn't there a certain level of respect for employees, clearly not. So I know I stood in his office for at least an additional 10 seconds simply bc I was in shock. Now I was fully aware that he could be an asshole, but he & I had NEVER had an icident like this before. So I did as I was told & exited his office, but please belive I was furious as hell. I respect him as a businessman but nothing else. Hell Im one of the top 3 reps here, his assitant is forever asking me questions that she should already know the answer to. I told myself Im not going to sweat this bullshit, Im here to make $ & nothing else, every dog gets there day, & his is definitely coming.

HEY YALL

2009-06-04T06:36:00.002-05:00

Since the last time I blogged Ive gained some new followers. Hello to all the new ppl & thanks for being interested in my messy ass life! So I went to the doctor last week & discovered that Ive lost 14 lbs, yay for me. I try to workout & eat right as much as possible, but shit thats a job in itself. I have also discovered that I have a case of anxiety, well actually I was diagnosed by my cousin SMH. She seemed to think that I have a case of anxiety bc Im always overwhelmed, feeling like I have so much shit to do, like theres so much going on around me, when really aint shit going on. I think this anxiety shit can be taken care of my someone sending me on a nice luxurious vacation, that probably wont happen, so until then Mary Jane will help me when Im in a funk. However this month will mark the 2yr anniversary for me & my Booskie. Im excited about that, not sure how I want to celebrate yet. Probably just a night of Mary Jane & drunken sex LMAO! Im not going to lie it seems like we've known each other for so much longer, not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. We were still growing as a couple as well as individuals, Im just curious to see us in the coming yrs. This post was totally about bullshit SORRY, couldnt think of anything t0 write about.

I LOVE THIS MAN

2009-05-28T08:13:00.003-05:00

I've said it before & I'll say it AGAIN. I love Young Jeezy. He can get the business anywhere, anytime, any place for real. I keep hearing ppl say the word swag is played out/dead. So I won't say he's got swag. What the hell is swag anyway? Anywho I love this man! This picture just really made my day much more brighter, he's beautiful.

Don't Call Me Crazy

2009-05-25T15:19:00.003-05:00

People just don't KNOW. Believe it or not my blog is like the only place that I can rant & rave & let loose about my crazy as life & the ppl in it. I'll admit it, I'm a COLD hearted ass BITCH, & when I say cold I really mean COLD. I realize that I have a SERIOUS mean streak. Sometimes even I cant believe how much of a BITCH I am. But I think all of my rage comes from lack of feeling loved or lack of family. As Ive stated before my relationship w both parents is a shitty ass mess. People always ask me why I feel the need to be so mean or why I feel the need to always be on edge. Its not that I feel the need to be on edge, I guess it's just natural. I feel like Ive been hurt & fucked over so many times. A lot of times when I get mad @ ppl or ppl go against me, I simply cut them off, lose all contact, were no longer friends BITCH. Like the day I moved in to the dorm @ school, my mother was so busy taking care of things that only interest her she wasn't even there to help me move. Me & my grandmother ended up getting me settled in the dorm, while my mom fulfilled other obligations, I guess. But I was furious for her not being that for that moment in my life, I'm sure I did not speak to her for @ least 2 months. When I lost my job last yr right before I was set to move to my new apartment not an absolute sole was there for me. My mom helped to pay cell ph bill which was probably the cheapest bill I had, that's nice but a fucking phone doesn't compare to me needing $ for groceries, or a utility bill. I went w/o a job for 4 months, & please believe I was really down & out, I had NOTHING. During this time I did a lot of thinking about the ppl that were around me, the ppl that I considered my friends & family. I distanced myself from a lot of ppl. & when I say I distanced myself cut off, let go, stopped talking to. For some reason ppl just cant seem to understand me, all I ever here is how crazy I am, or how mean I am. But these ppl have no clue. I HATE when ppl call me crazy bc then it makes me really question myself like "AM I REALLY CRAZY"? In my opinion coming from a broken home can really devastate a person. I mean I can go on & on forever. I dont know if the solution to my problem would be to sit down & talk to these ppl or what. I'm lost & tired of feeling like this.

2009-05-20T09:59:00.005-05:00

PICS from concreteloop.com

Just wanted to post these pics because Im a HUGE Kim K. fan. Not to mention the bish is a fashionista. I ALWAYS thought Reggie Bush was HOT & I still do. But I think he's a total cornball, just judging by what I saw on Kim's reality show.

Progress.

2009-05-19T06:44:00.003-05:00

Hadnt realized its been almost 2wks since I last blogged. Nothing new going on here, just trying to live life the best I can. Trying not to let the small things bother me, & just simply being thankful for the things that I do have. Work is work, still lot of wrongery going on but I guess thats what happens when you work for a predominantly white company. My home life is getting better between me & the Mr. Im just taking my time & still feeling things out. I realized the other day that I may complain about a lot of stupid shit that he does, but @ the end of the day he's a great guy, & not only that my best friend. As the days go by, I learn more & more things about myself, as well as life. Life is definitely not always fair, & Im finally coming to grips w that. I often find myself complaining about a lot of things, that dont even really matter. Simply put, Im working on making my life more comfortable for me, as well as making myself happy. You only get to live once, make the most of it while your here.

OMG I LOVE HER

2009-05-07T09:15:00.002-05:00

This is my favorite actress. I like Halle Berry & all the others, but this chick right here, is my fave. Ever since I saw Taraji P. Henson in Baby Boy it was OVER from there. & by the way Baby Boy is one of my favorite movies. I like her bc it seems like acting comes natural for her. She's beautiful. I love the dress she's wearing in this pic too.

Better Than A Microwave

2009-05-05T12:46:00.003-05:00

Have you all seen the infomercial for this?
It's The Nuwave Oven Pro, its basically an updated version of a microwave or crock put, but BETTER! It broils, roasts, grill, toasts, barbeque's, steams, & even fries. I'm SO IN LOVE. Every time I see the infomercial for the NuWave oven I go crazy. I have not purchased it yet, but judging by the way that food looked on the infomercial, as well as the testimonials on the website, IT'S A MUST HAVE. I cant to order this. I'm cooking up some shit. www.nuwaveoven.com

Mommy Dearest

2009-05-05T11:22:00.003-05:00

This post in particular is different from a lot of my other posts just bc this is an issue that I have struggled w since I can remember. Only a few ppl that know me really know about the relationship between me & my mom. My mom & I are closer than what we used to be, but were FAR FROM BEST FRIENDS. Now I know every mother & daughter have their spats & so on, but @ some point in time things usually get better between the two. RIGHT? I don't want to come off in this post as being mean or whatever may have you, but this is the only way I can really express how I feel about her, her being my mother. Ive tried numerous amounts of time to sit down w my better half, as well as even my grandmother & let them know what is eating me alive. As far as I can remember growing up, I don't think I was the typical child. I mean when most kids would be outside playing hide & seek or running up & down the block, I would be inside watching t.v. or reading a book. When I became a teen, I believe that's when the majority of the issues began to arise between my mom & I. I don't care what anybody says a child DOES NOT forget anything, especially if its something that's not right, the child will always remember. I mean I think my mom did a great job raising me but as far as her love & care for me, not so much. Growing up living with my mom, I just remember her being very mean & cold hearted towards me. I always felt like she was waiting for me to do something wrong or go against her, so that she would have a reason to be a complete bitch to me. I remember if I didn't move fast enough when she called my name or asked me to do something, I would immediately be called out my name, mainly she would call me a bitch. No lie I contemplated running away SO MANY times, but I always knew that would never be a solution to the problem. So 4 months after I turned 18 I moved out. I always looked @ the relationships my female friends had w their mothers & parents, & my relationship didn't come anywhere close to theirs. I know every child & mother will not get along, but to disrespect your child in the worst way.... When I turned 16, I got a part time job, so that I would be able to at least buy myself some of the things I wanted. She told me that since I was working that I would have to contribute to the purchase of household supplies. Why does a 16yr old have to contribute to buying items for the home. You may say well maybe she was teaching how to be responsible w your $, BULLSHIT. There are other ways to teach your child to be responsible w $. To this day I honestly think that this woman does not want me to be happy. Anytime I make a big purchase or buy something that she feels is expensive, I always have to hear some shit from her. & not to mention when she comes to my house she's just rude in my opinion, looking all through my shit pretending to be looking for something else. Asking me why do I have the thermostat on that temperature, just a bunch of bullshit. My fiance does not seem to understand why we cant get along. I cant get over the fact as to how she treated me. I would come from school/work & she would have on a shirt that I bought w my own $, she not once asked if she could borrow my shit. & then I feel as though when were in front of ppl she always tries to put me on blast, asking questions that she already knows the answer to. Our relationship is to the point now where when she comes to town, I always try to avoid her. For example she will be coming to town for one day this week, & I told her I would be swamped @ work w overtime, total lie, but I just don't want to have to deal w her. Some might say why don't you just tell her how you feel? That's like talking to a fucking brick wall. & even if I did tell her, the past can never be erased. I promised my self that I would not bring any kids in the world until I was ready. I'll never disrespect my child by calling them out of their name. I will only love & care for them. I will listen when my child talks. Overall be the best mother that I can be.

A Few of My Favorite Celebrity Couples

2009-05-05T09:18:00.006-05:00

When A Man Loves A Woman

2009-04-30T12:09:00.002-05:00

Barack & Michelle are my ideal couple.

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE........

2009-04-29T11:26:00.002-05:00

Even though I don't have kids of my own, I still have a SERIOUS soft spot for little ones. I LOVE toddlers & newborns, but once they get older that's another story LOL! Today while I was bored out of my mind @ work, I decided to read the local news online. Yea I read the local news online, bc watching the evening news @ home is depressing. I live in St. Louis, & I belive we were declared the 4th most dangerous city to live in SMH. But this story right here is truly disturbing, like seriously some ppl DO NOT NEED TO HAVE KIDS. Ive always said a child deserves to have EVERYTHING. When ppl have kids all their selfish & devious ways need to be left behind. Kids are so innocent & unaware of the crazy world that we live in. But on to this bullshit I read today.........

Pathologist: Dirty diaper killed Peoria baby
ASSOCIATED PRESS
04/29/2009

PEORIA-- A forensic pathologist testifying in the trial of a Peoria man charged in the death of his 5-month-old son says the child died from an infection brought on by a nearly week-old dirty diaper.

James Sargent is charged with first-degree murder in the February 2008 death of Benjamin Sargent. Pathologist Scott Denton on Tuesday testified on the second day the father's trial.

Denton says that the boy's diaper went unchanged for at least five days before his death.

Prosecutors say 24-year-old James Sargent and the boy's mother, 22-year-old Tracy Hermann, left the child without food or water in a car seat for eight days. Denton says the skin on the Benjamin Sargent's back and bottom had begun to decay, causing the infection that made him lapse into a coma and die.

This is some straight bullshit. How could somebody do that to a child, a baby @ that? These bastards need to be hung. How selfish?

He'll Handle IT

2009-04-29T08:32:00.001-05:00

Ive washed my hands w all of my frustration & anger. Its not worth it. Im living, healthy, I have a decent job, & a roof over my head. Anything else that I need or want for God will handle it in due time. Im not going to give others the pleasure of enjoying me being miserable.

BITCH MODE

2009-04-29T07:53:00.003-05:00

I HATE bitches that think they know every fucking thing. OMG today is just NOT going to be a good day for me or shall I say this whole month. I'm swamped w bills, so that leaves no $ for shopping or anything else that makes me feel happy. Anybody that knows me will tell you, when I'm BROKE, I'm in total bitch mode. But back to the bitch that think she knows everything. First of all why the fuck are you listening so hard on my motherfucking calls? BITCH since you straining to hear every fucking thing Im saying, then you should have noticed what I told the caller on the ph was nothing more than the correct info. Boy I tell you, BITCHES get a title in the office, & they think they motherfucking CEO's around this bitch. Bitch you are an assisting motherfucking manager that cant even fucking spell? BITCH fuck you, pick up a damn dictionary sometime dumbass broad. I had no choice but to blog about this bc if I didn't, I might have gotten terminated. I mean its not that serious to lose your job over a petty ass broad that can barely speak English, but I'm saying though. Ok guess I'll calm down now. TTYL

2 Of The Sexiest Men Alive

2009-04-28T09:09:00.002-05:00

Is it just me or does Nas like NEVER age? That man definitely deserves the right to be called sexy. I don't know. It's just something about him, that just spells extra sexy. Kelis better watch out...LOL! & Jeezy like OMG is there really anything to say about him. I LOVE JEEZY. I have so many CD's in my car w his songs on there, its ridiculous. I can listen to all his music w/o ever changing the song. I know the lyrics to damn near all of his songs. He's definitely a motivational thug LMAO! When I listen to his music, I can just tell that he's a real ass nigga. He's my favorite rapper! I just love a man w confidence, Jeezy & Nas both have MAD confidence.

FACEBOOK is Good for Something After All

2009-04-27T16:52:00.002-05:00

Today while stalking pages on facebook LOL! I came across this quote: "What we do in life, echoes into eternity". This is so true. THINK ABOUT IT

IM ON TWITTER TOO......

2009-04-23T11:10:00.002-05:00

I created a twitter page a while back & for the life of me, I CAN NOT understand twitter. Or maybe it's the fact that I dont have anyone to talk to....
So yall should follow me @beemiss

READING MAKES MY WORLD GO ROUND

2009-04-21T14:54:00.014-05:00

One thing that can always calm me down & ease my mind besides Mary Jane is READING. I LOVE READING!!!! If I could read instead of going to work everyday I would. My mom says that Ive been reading since she can remember. Like honestly I really did start reading @ an early age, not sure how old I was. But Grandma is the same way, she hardly watches television, & she too says reading helps her relax. Lately to help deal w my frustration & boredom @ work, Ive been reading. The last couple of books I read were AWESOME! My new favorite author is Mallori McNeal, I came across her books on the Barnes & Noble website, & she's the shit. I like any book that just keeps my attention, & make me never want to put it down. & I also have a fondness for writers that actually capture reality in their writing, & not just a bunch of fantasy bullshit. When I'm reading I want to feel like I know the characters in the book, like I'm on the journey with them. So for the folks that do actually like to read, Ive created a short list of must read books.

1)Secret Society written by Miasha
2)Ex-Girl to the Next Girl written by Daaimah S. Poole
3)A Down Chic written by Mallori McNeal
4)The Set Up "The Sequel to A Down Chic" written by Mallori McNeal
UPDATED
5)True To The Game by Terri Woods (Part 1,2,&3)
6)Wifey by Kiki Swinson

*I'm trying to think of more GOOD books, BUT I'm having a brain freeze, bare w me folks!

IT'S MONDAY

2009-04-20T07:06:00.003-05:00

"We give negative situations SO much power over us! Try your best today....NOT to do that"-Kelly Rowland

I'ma need this quote above to HELP me get through today. Pray for me yall.

I GOT A BLOG AWARD!!!!

2009-04-15T08:36:00.003-05:00

This morning while checking my email I received a comment from one of my favorite bloggers Ms. Kenya, she was commenting on one of my post & also informing me that she gave me a blog award. For those of you that have never peeped her blog, you can check her out @ www.lookn2mymind.blogspot.com. (Wasn't sure how to do a link) Any who I like Kenya bc it seems as if she's a free spirited person & she says whats on her mind, cant get no better than that! & I like Kenya bc she ALWAYS shows LOVE on my blog. Thanks for acknowledging me Kenya. In addition to receiving the blog award, I'm supposed to speak about 7 blogs that tickle my fancy! So here they are.

1) Kenya www.lookn2mymind.blogspot.com
2) Brook www.absolutebrook.com
3) William H. www.irunthroughbabymommas.blogspot.com
4) Kiwi www.kiwitm.blogspot.com
5) Bella www.thatxxxshit.blogspot.com
6) Nina www.socialiteslife-nina.blogspot.com
7) Sha Boogie www.sha-boogie.blogspot.com

SIDE NOTE: I really need to learn how to do a link to other blogs, can some of y'all faithful bloggers help me w this?

In addition to me accepting the blog award, I was instructed to list 10 HONEST things about myself...this should be interesting or maybe not!

1)One of my hands are bigger than the other (DON'T FREAK OUT, it's not noticeable @ all LOL)
2)In high school I took German & Spanish classes
3)The day after I graduated high school, I had a breast reduction
4)I never sleep w any underwear on
5)I LOVE TO READ, if the book is really GOOD, I will finish it in one day
6)I HATE wearing my real wear, it just seems so hard to manage, so I wear weave EVERYDAY
7)Favorite position, doggy style
8)The first guy I ever truly loved is now incarcerated for 5yrs for distributing narcotics
9)I ABSOLUTELY HATE KISSING, & I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS, I HATE KISSING
10)I have a serious BEEF w females, that constantly make babies, & then rely on welfare, I HATE that shit w a passion

Read Any Good Books Lately

2009-04-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

OK for the few followers that I do have, y'all are probably wondering who the hell the lady in the photo is. Well I'll tell you who she is, I call her The Truth, simply put. But no really her name is Daaimah S. Poole, she's an amazing author. I have been reading her books since I can remember. I have totally fell in love w her as a writer. I think her writing style is amazing, her books are filled w suspense & tales that women of an African American descent deal w on an everyday basis. I have read every single book that she has published, & can not find one flaw in any of them. Her first book Yo Yo Love, which I believe she wrote when she was 19yrs old, is the book that got me hooked on her writing. I could not believe that someone that young would be able to successfully write a book of that magnitude. Honestly after I read The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah, I DID NOT think that their would ever be another author that I would admire so much. I wont spill all the beans about her books & writing as an author, you'll just have to discover for yourself. So if you have some free time stop by your local library or Barnes & Noble & pick up one of her books, I guarantee you will not be left disappointed.

I'M BAAACCCCKKKK!

2009-04-13T07:32:00.002-05:00

OMG yesterday was my birthday, & Easter as well. I celebrated my 23rd birthday all weekend long. I must say 23 is NOT old but dammit, it seems like 25 is right around the corner. Ive always said that by the time a person is 25 they need to be a lot more serious about life & their future. I'm well on my way. By the time I'm 25 I would like to be married, & thinkig about kids, & in the process of purchasing a home. Only time will tell. I REALLY enjoyed my birthday. It was filled w lots of surprises, great food, liquor, weed, & the most important great sex! My fiance surprised me with a hotel suite for the entire weekend, & he also upgraded my initial engagement ring. I couldn't have asked for anything better. I actually got to relax, & didn't have to worry about doing chores around the house or dealing w any bullshit. I felt so special, I actually got to rest, & catch up on some reading. Every morning we were @ the hotel they served breakfast, nothing is better than breakfast food, after drinking Patron the night before. This weekend I realized something,NO matter how much me & this nigga fuss & fight we always are there for each other. He is my best friend, honestly, I love him til death, were both a work in progress. I just cant wait to see what the future will bring.

WTF is up?????

2009-04-06T16:53:00.003-05:00

I am well aware that we are in a recession & jobs are HARD to come by, thats makes me even more thankful for my job, BUT damn something has got to give. I HATE when I get like this bc my mood ruins everything. First of all Im freaking out bc my birthday is Sunday, & I have the slightest fucking idea, how Im going to celebrate. Right now everything in my life is limited, especially $. This shit is ridiculous, I wrote out bills for the next couple of weeks, & my $ is looking real funny! Im just to the point like WTF is going on? WTF am I working for if I can NEVER do what the fuck I want w my $? I mean I know being an adult draws more & more responsibility but SHIT, when the fuck am I going to get to treat myself? UGH! Im miserable.

SIDE NOTE....
Im even more irritated now, bc the guy sitting next to me is on his cell ph, w the fucking volume to the MAX. Turn that shit down, I dont want to hear your fucking convo. Just fuck it, I'll come back to this shit later. Pray for me yall.

ALONE....

2009-04-04T08:13:00.003-05:00

NEVER do I want to be any ones EVERYTHING, nor do I want to be any ones EVERYTHING. Fuck a relationship, commitment & ALL OF THE ABOVE. I'm so over this. Why do we give our all in a relationship, only to get bullshit in return. I'm a wonderful person, w a lot going on for myself, maybe a few screws loose, but that doesn't stop me from trying my best. I try my best @ any & everything, whether it be work, family, friends, or a relationship w the opposite sex. I'm tired of giving my all & being the best that I can be. My life is my life, & it will forever more be that. I'm not dealing w or standing for anything that is not RIGHT. So many times I have been manipulated or frowned upon for my personal opinions towards life & everything in it. Fuck it, I came into this world alone, & I'm going to leave this world alone. @ the end of the day all I have is myself. Everybody else is just features in my life. Meaning they only show up @ certain times. I'm tired of trying to do everything by the book. I'm tired of being the girlfriend that is always there NO MATTER WHAT. Plain & simple I'm tired of being the girlfriend, or the "fiance" as he calls me. I'M TIRED. I told myself a long time ago that I'm not putting up w anything that I KNOW IS NOT RIGHT, & not only that, I'M NOT DEALING w anything that I do not have to. I'm getting my life back.

My Guilty Pleasures

2009-04-01T07:14:00.007-05:00

OK I have like totally been neglecting my blog. Sorry my life has not been interesting AT ALL lately. Ive just been working, going to the gym, & sleeping, my work schedule does not allow me to do too much. But I have been watching some really great shows on television. I'm in the process now of catching up on the last 3 seasons of The Hills, even though I think that show is fake as hell, I cant get enough of it. Ive missed more than a few episodes of the show, so I need to catch up, & in addition to that the new season start April 6.

I also like to watch the Bad Girls Club, I must say this season was one of the best, although the reunion show was cheesy as hell, these are some crazy ass bitches. Although I think Tiffany is a big hypocrite, she critcizes the other girls for their faults, but then does the same thing, whatever, I like her though bc she will give a bitch the business in a heartbeat, gotta love a bad bitch!

Another guilty pleasure of mine is For the Love of Ray J, this show is off the meter. For starters I like all the girls on the show, but that bitch Danger is nuts! I mean any woman that walks around w a tattoo on her face, & also admits to stalking exes, & even attempting to kill an ex, is certified fucking crazy. Ray made the final four girls on the show do a lie detector test, & I have to give it to Danger, she was totally honest, but sometimes the truth hurts. She admitted to having a restraining order against her, & also to having thoughts of killing the other contestants on the show. I mean I get that its a competition, but damn, is Ray J really worth it? & everybody knows just like I do, this nigga is not really looking for love, maybe something to run up in occasionally, but not a soul mate. This show is just interesting as hell overall. Ive also read online that another contestant from the show Unique, had just given birth before coming on to the show. Now I'm not sure how long ago she had the baby before the show started but I mean damn, if there is any truth to this, shouldn't her ass be @ home w her kid? Maybe this explains why the other girls on the show kept calling her fat. On to the next show, College Hill. I'm really flaky w this show, I haven't really liked it since they filmed the season in Louisiana, that was kind of when the show first premiered. But I must say this season is definitely entertaining as hell. There is this model type chick on the show, she kind reminds me on Angel Lola Luv, this chick is definitely a diva, & I love it, cant wait to see what she brings to the show. And then there is another chick on the show, cant think of her name right now, but this bitch seems clingy & needy as hell. I mean the 1st night in the house this bitch is already in her feelings, already laid up w one of the guys in the house, trying to mark her territory, then she gets mad the next day when the guy isn't feeling her anymore. Maybe he's not feeling your clingy ass anymore, bc you scared him off, trying to declare him as your man. OK I'm about to wrap this post up, but not before I speak about Making the Band, how many damn bands is Diddy going make? Why does he keep making these damn bands & all these ppl wanna do is fight & argue w one another. I mean is it possible for him to put together a band that can respect one another, & not resort to violence or verbally abuse one another? OK I'm so over that show, but I still tune in just to watch Que & his hormones in action. LMAO!

Oh & that show Harlem Heights, I watch that shit online when I'm bored @ work, but I must say that show is scripted, like The Hills, but damn at least The Hills is interesting. TTYL folks.

TIRED.

2009-03-17T16:47:00.002-05:00

Same ole same ole here...Damn I wish I could just run away sometimes. I'm tired as hell & on top of that my allergies are kicking my ass. My birthday is next month & I definitely plan to treat myself like the diva that I am. I'm talking massages, manicures, pedicures & shopping!!! My fiance's birthday is this weekend I'm still thinking of taking him to the shooting range, & I'm giving him a mini birthday party this weekend, this should be FUN! My job is having a luncheon this Saturday, the exact same day as my fiances party. So I let the assistant supervisor know that I would be absent from the festivities & the reasons why. Do you know she had the nerve to ask me could I move the party to a later time, bc she really wants me to come to the luncheon. HELL NO, I'm not about to rearrange my plans for this fucking job. I'M TIRED OF THIS PLACE. My weekends & days off are my time to do shit that I couldn't do during the fucking work week. & half of us at this damn job don't even like each other, so the luncheon is definitely a NO for me. Although I would hate to turn down free food & liquor, I just cant see it.

I FEEL GRRRRREEEEATTTT!!!

2009-03-10T14:02:00.005-05:00

I havent had a whole lot going on w me lately or anything worth talking about. Plain & simple, IM TIRED OF WORKING. Damn I just wanna take a couple days off & go to the beach or a nice resort & just chill. My fiance's birthday is next Friday, & Im trying to plan something different for the both of us to do. He's been wanting to go to the shooting range, just to try it out, so Im thinking of surprising him & taking him there. & maybe cooking dinner & having a few ppl over. We've been trying our hardest to work on our relationship & fix our differences w/o arguing & acting crazy, so far its been working. I love this man, I know sometimes I can be a BITCH, but I never had anybody like him before. Like Jeezy said "if you never had a real nigga better get you one". I have never met anyone that makes me feel like him, the way he looks @ me, the way he loves me, it just drives me crazy!!! My birthday is next month, I have some vaca time @ work, thinking about taking 5 days off & going to Chicago for a couple of days just to chill, clear my mind, & do some shopping. Ive just been doing a lot of things lately trying to better myself & doing things that will make feel better. Ive been working out, which you all know. Im trying my hardest to keep $ in my savings accnt. & Im working on paying my car off by the end of the year. Im also about to start making payments again on my student loans, all which should make my credit better. Im trying to do big things next yr. I renewed my lease at my apartment for a second yr, but next yr I plan on moving to a house, which is why I want to have my car paid off ASAP. I dont know I just want the best for myself & those around me, everybody should do what makes them happy. Follow your dreams. I work too damn hard, so I feel like I deserve everything, & Im going to get it. BIG THINGS are ahead wish me luck. TTYL.

VENTING MY FRUSTRATION

2009-03-05T08:44:00.004-06:00

Why do I give my all in a relationship to constantly be manipulated or not treated up to my standards. I cant take it ANYMORE! Every woman has a little bitch in them & a little jealousy that's a part of our nature. But why is that the fucking men constantly want to manipulate & play games? I don't give a fuck how much of a bitch you think I am or how many things I say to you that you do not like. I AM A FUCKING WOMAN & always deserve to be TREATED w RESPECT NO MATTER WHAT! How is it you can treat me the way that you have these past few days, & I'm the only bitch that has ever really fucking loved you. I swear I've given so much to this relationship, not to say that you haven't but I'm saying though... I've taken a lot of shit from you, not bc I had to, but bc I love you. The last time I was treated like this I felt like I had to take it bc I wanted to be loved, well not this time. I'M NOT STANDING for the BULLSHIT! How is it you can say that I don't care about you & I'm all about myself? Then you say that I let my job take over me, that I'm married to my job, no that's where you have it wrong. I'M NOT MARRIED TO MY JOB, I'M MARRIED TO THE $ YOU STUPID BITCH! & how is it you can complain about my fucking job & me not giving you attention. Stupid ass don't you realize I have to work to eat & be able to provide for myself. I don't know what the fuck your used to, but I holds shit down for myself. Never needed a nigga for nothing, & I never will bc I'M A BAD BITCH! But yea its OK keep going on & on w your likes & dislikes about me but remember I'm the only REAL WOMAN you've ever had. Ain't no other bitch took care of you when you wasn't working, ain't no other bitch made sure that you still stayed up to par while you were unemployed. Yea I get it your used to them gutter ass chicks, bitches that lay up & fuck all day & make babies, & let welfare pay the bills. Is that what you want? Why is it that you have to make it seem as though I'm this deranged ass girl that just starts shit w you for no reason. Why cant I be that BITCH that's there for you like no other, that BITCH that can make you feel like no other. All this shit is surreal to me bc you honestly feel as though you are not doing anything wrong. I think the problem is you've NEVER had a BITCH like me before, & you cant handle it. You HATE the fact that Im opinionated & outspoken & don't bite my tongue for shit, I can not help it, that's me & I will continue to be me. I mean what is going to take for you to realize what you have? Then you wanna hang w your homies that's all fine & dandy, but you need to realize the difference btwn you & them. Them motherfuckers in the streets everyday bc that don't have what you have. They don't have a REAL WOMAN, the bitches that they are used to are ratchet ass one night fucks that end up pregnant, & then they dont get called a wife, fiance or even a girlfriend, they get called "BM" baby mama. NIGGA PLEASE, Im trying to tell you that dont MAKE THEM LIKE ME NO MO!!!!

HEARTBROKEN

2009-03-05T06:18:00.006-06:00

Love HURTS. The past few days my fiance & I have been feuding to the EXTREME, & its starting to get really depressing & scary. It all started Monday night when he went out w his homies to celebrate one of their birthdays. I DID NOT have a problem w this, but I'm guessing he's assuming I did being that he knows I seriously CAN NOT tolerate his selection of friends (see previous post for reasons why). So anyway like I said I noticed this all Monday night when he returned home, @ first I thought his attitude was bc he had been drinking but as the days are going by, I'm noticing he's changing, I'm not sure if its for the good or the bad, but what I do know is that if these crazy antics continue, Ima have to say PEACE THE FUCK OUT. After my last relationship, not that I have had many but after that last one, I told myself I would NEVER EVER let a man treat me or talk to me in a manner where I did not approve. I mean this negro is really showing me some different things. For starters he tells me that he feels as though I'm trying to keep him away from his friends, & he feels as though I do not like his family. My question to him is if you feel this way why did you propose to me? If you feel this way, why are you still w me? Because I know damn well, I'm not going to be w someone whom I do not feel respects me, my family or friends. Now I have given very valid reason in the past as to why I do not care for his selection of friends. & secondly the one person in his family that really makes my flesh crawl is his mother. Now I know every parent wants to protect their child from as much harm as possible, but when the parent begins getting involved in my personal life or doing things to make me uncomfortable, then it is a motherfucking problem. This lady has to be the nosiest person on earth. She's forever calling the house asking questions pertaining to me that I do not feel are any of her business, plus she has already stated to my fiance that she is trying to protect him from getting hurt. Her trying to protect him from getting hurt was starting to take a serious toll on our relationship, since then he has spoken to her about her crazy ass behavior, & she has calmed down SOME. I remember one day she called & I told her I was on my way to the doctor, she asked me why was I going to the doctor & was I going to get my shot for birth control. Was that not personal as hell or what? First of all bitch its none of your damn business why the fuck I'm going to the doctor, & secondly who the fuck told you I was on birth control, bc @ the time & date of the conversation I was not on birth control, so where the hell are you getting this from? So I told my fiance about what his mother had said & he called her & let her know that it made me uncomfortable, all was forgiven from there. But then she irks me because if she calls my house & my fiance doesn't answer the phone for whatever reason, she automatically freaks out & begins calling & texting me trying to figure out where he is, this especially gets annoying when I'm @ work. I mean she treats him like a fucking kid, but then again he acts like one, so I get the point. I told him once again how his mothers actions were annoying me, as well as putting a strain on our relationship. He told me that he does not see why I'm getting annoyed & that she is just doing her job as a mother. WELL I'll BE DAMNED!!! I have a mother too, & my mother is well aware of her boundaries when it comes to my personal life, she does not ask inappropriate questions concerning me & my mate, & most of all she is not going out of her way to protect me from getting hurt in this relationship. & how the hell are you going to protect your child from getting hurt in a relationship? But overall his whole fucking attitude has just changed, & I'm just like why am I still trying to make this work, when obviously we are not on the same page. I mean @ first we both wanted the same things out of life. We both wanted to be w someone that we knew we could depend on through it all, I wanted someone who was ready to settle down & leave the streets behind. I thought he had figured out during the last 2yrs of our relationship that there was nothing in the streets for him, but he tells me that he feels that I'm trying to keep him away his friends bc I don't spend time w mine anymore. & like I told him, usually friends grow apart as they age. I don't hang w a lot of my friends anymore bc we are all in different stages in our life. All of my friends have kids, still living w their parents @ the ages of 23 & 24, not to say that I'm better than anyone but I left home a long time ago, & have not returned since. & I prefer friends who have the same goals that I do, I prefer friends that are ambitious & hard working, & not to mention a lot of my friends were getting involved in things that I just simply did not have time for. I don't know if he's still trying to find himself or if someone put a bug in his ear or what it is, but I'm hurting from this. I do not know what the future holds for us anymore. He really said a lot of hurtful things to me, & I'm just wondering where is all this coming from, did your homies put this shit in your head or what? This was someone I once could not imagine life without. But I will always stay true to myself no matter what. It'll hurt if we decide to go our separate ways, but I will NOT stand for anything that will bring me down. Its crazy we haven't officially broken up, but already I'm dealing w a broken heart. I hate breakups their the worst, but Ive been here before, & this too shall pass.

BLAH...

2009-03-03T15:33:00.005-06:00

Really not sure what to blog about today. I took off of work yesterday, simply bc I just did not feel like going. I'm back today, & dreading every minute of it. Sorry to say, but I'm think I'm getting burnt out w this job, after all I am here the majority of the day during the week, & on top of that I have to deal w idiots on the phone, as well as idiots that I work w. @ work the same things are still going on lots of HATING, & ppl still not knowing how to perform their job duties. On top of all that, I'm questioning why I have not been promoted or even acknowledged as a person within the company, that has shown dedication & growth. I mean Ive only been at this job for about 8 mos now, & the damn assistant supervisor has to come & ask me questions, about things she should very well know. Quite frankly I wish I couldve taken 2 days off of work, but I knew I couldn't afford to. I guess I'll spend most of the day surfing the net. This morning when I woke up I had a taste for White Castles, strange huh? Maybe I'll eat some of that over the weekend, I allow myself to cheat on my diet @ least once a week. Speaking of my diet, I'm seeing great results & I love it! The other day I decided to challenge myself & sign up for a spinning class @ the gym. I took that damn class, & now my ass is HURTING like hell. Overall the class was wonderful, but I'll definitely have to get used to riding a bike for an hour, my ass is SO SORE it feels like I fell down on it or something! The class was easy in my opinion, & challenging, I enjoyed it & have agreed to take a class once a week. Ive been enjoying working out bc it takes my mind away from a lot of different things that are going on as for as work & my personal life. Otherwise I'm ready for the weekend, not sure what I'll be doing maybe dinner, bowling & the movies. Ive seen some previews for some scary movies that look like they maybe AWESOME!!! That is all for now SMOOCHES!!!

AM I JEALOUS???

2009-03-02T12:59:00.008-06:00

OK I know I have a problem, I just don't know what my problem is, or even how to deal w it. My fiance & I have a relationship that's totally different from any other couples that are our age, well at least its different from the few couples that I do know. I would never cheat on him nor lie to him about anything, & I believe he feels the same way. I am always completely honest, & am not one to bite my tongue. I ALWAYS SAY HOW I FEEL, whether its going to hurt someones feelings or not. I just feel that its always best to be real than phony. OK so here it goes....I just DO NOT agree w the way that my fiances friends live their life. I know that I shouldn't be the least bit as to concerned as to how someone else that I'm not living w or sleeping w is living their life, but I cant help it LOL! In my opinion his friends are losers, & want nothing more out of life than to be w stupid women that allow them to do whatever, whenever. Neither of his friends are capable of holding onto a job, OK maybe one of them. But one thing they all have in common, is that the few friends that he considers to be his homies, they all have several kids, scattered all around the damn state, & yea their all in a relationship w at least one of their baby mamma's, but they still do what they want to do, which is explains why one of them has two kids, that are both the same age. & I hate the way that one of his friends or homies as he calls them, treats his girlfriend. I mean he is absolutely disrespectful to her. I mean when my fiance first introduced me to this dude, he was cheating on his girl like on a daily basis. He would leave her ass stuck in the house all damn day, w screaming ass kids. I remember that they didn't have a house phone, but he had a cell ph. She was not allowed to answer his cell ph, let alone look at the damn phone. Whenever my fiance gets ready to go hang out w them, it always results in an argument btwn the two of us, & its mostly my fault, bc I get mad when he goes around them, & I DO NOT KNOW WHY. I trust my fiance that he would never cheat on me, or disrespect me the way that his friends do their girls. But you know what they say "birds of a feather, flock together. He hates when I say that bc he says that not true, & it could very well not be true. But I guess theres always the doubt in my mind, that he'll begin acting like them, & the thought of it disgust me, which is most likely the reason why we argue, whenever he goes around them. Could I be jealous or what could it be? This has been going on for almost 2yrs now, & I'm not going to say that I HATE his friends, bc that would be a bit extreme, I just HATE the way that they live. & my fiance always says that I always start an argument w him, when its time for him to hangout bc I'm trying to keep him in the house & away from his friends, that is absolutely not true, I just don't want him to be like them. PLEASE HELP!!!!

2009-03-02T12:34:00.003-06:00

A lot of blogs are going crazy over these two above. I personally do not know much about Ms. Amber Rose, but I think she's a BAD BITCH! She's very pretty, her body is nice & from the looks of it she has a swagger all of her own. Im not sure about the esemble that she's wearing above, but the shoes are BAD!!! And besides I like anybody whose a risk taker, the girl got on some elastic booty shirts, get 'em Amber, make the HATERS proud!!!

WEEKEND WRAP UP

2009-03-02T07:07:00.005-06:00

My weekend was marvelous, but once again went by too fast. I did some window shopping, spent time w my fiance & his little sister, cleaned my house, ate the best fajitas ever, & I worked out. I am really excited that I'm attempting to live a healthier more fit life. Ive been working out 3-4x a week, I feel great & I love it! So far Ive lost about 11 lbs which is a great start. I really like going to workout, it gives me lots of energy & just makes me feel good overall, & also looking @ all the other fit ppl motivates me to work harder. OMG when my fiance & I were @ the gym this weekend, there was a young woman there working out, BUT she had the best physique ever, I mean literally my fiance & I just stopped & stared her. I'm not one to hate on another female, & I'll give props when their due. HER BODY WAS BANGING!!! She wasn't too skinny, & not too thick, she was just right. I mean you could really tell that she took great care of her body. She had a flat stomach, small nice size waist, & an ass that puts you in the mind frame of Deelishis or someone, the BITCH was BAD!!! Now I'm not trying to turn into a supermodel or anything, but I would just like to be more fit & toned, & have my body to compliment me well. The girl from the gym will definitely be my motivation from here on out. & in other news Ive been reading all over the net, that Chris & Rihanna have gotten back together, this doesn't surprise me @ all, but I'm wondering how their reconciliation will affect their images to the public?

HOW RUDE.....

2009-02-26T18:15:00.003-06:00

I am so glad that today is over. OMG for starters I work for the most disrespectful, self centered, bi polar idiot in the world. My boss is a fucking lunatic, like literally, I think he needs meds or something. Ive worked for this particular company for 7 almost 8 months, NEVER have my boss had a negative encounter, my beef w him is I ABSOLOUTLEY HATE the ways he speaks to his employees, as well as the way that he treats them. I have NEVER worked for anyone like this before, this shit is straight fucking surreal to me. I feel like Im dreaming. OK so here it goes... Yesterday our computer system at work was inactive, we werent able to use our work phones, bc the phones are wired through the computer, we werent able to recieve any calls nor really perform any of our daily duties, due to this technicallity. This called my boss to be EXTREMELY PISSED OFF, but he's ALWAYS EXTREMELY PISSED OFF in stressful situations or when things are not going his way. So the computer tech guys were working hard to get the system repaired, during this time I hear my boss speaking to the assistant superivsor, this is what he tells her; hey can you stop laughing bc its really getting annoying, & theres nothing funny, & its really starting to get on my nerves, so if you could just stop it I would greatly appreciate it. Now this is not only an employee but this is his assitant that he is speaking to this way, I could tell that she was very embarrassed, I was embarrassed & upset for her. My boss is always in my opinion talking down to his employees & portraying himself in a negative light. He speaks to every one in a negative tone & as if he is the smartest person walking the earth. He never admits when he is in the wrong, he'll always find a way to make the situation the other persons fault. None of the employees @ the job like him, we never know when to laugh or joke w him. One minute he's in a good mood, & the next he's on his fucking period. This situation is getting the best of me bc I feel as though if he & I ever have a negative encounter, I would lose my job bc I just can not bare to let anyone treat me the way I have seen him treat others. I just ask that the Lrd be w me, everytime I enter Satan's house (my job).

THEY GAVE ME HOPE

2009-02-26T12:03:00.003-06:00

As of right now the relationship between my fiance's parents is on a hiatus, their currently separated. Their separation came as a shock to me, however I'm not dumb by a long shot. I don't know but I can sense things about ppl when I first meet them or once I get to know them. And in my opinion my fiances mother is a fucking basket case. I mean I can go on & on about why I have such so strong negative feelings towards her, but we'll save that for another day, I'm sure she's going to make my skin crawl again sooner or later. When I first met fiance 2yrs ago he was still living @ home w his parents. I can still remember our first conversation on the phone & I asked him were his parents still together & he replied yes. Him stating that his parents were still together made all the difference to me. This is the first person that I have EVER dated & their parents were still married. They've been married like 23 yrs, that was SO SPECIAL to me, when he told me that. I was fascinated by the fact that his parents were still together, that made me feel as though he had a sense of what family & togetherness was about. And not only that he's extremely close to both of his parents, that was also something that made me more interested in him. You all have read about the relationship w my "sperm donor", well hell there is no relationship. My mom & I on the other hand did not become close until I moved out of the house @ the age of 18. Now my mom & I have the best relationship ever, & that sometimes seems strange to me bc we used to argue like crazy & go back & forth & all of the above. But were tight now, & that's all that matters. But to see my future in laws relationship crumble just makes me wonder about the state of my relationship. I mean my mom is on her second marriage, already. Will my marriage be able to sustain the trials & tribulations that married couples have to deal w. Just yesterday @ work we were having a conversation about weddings etc etc etc. There is a total of 3 ppl in my dept engaged, & another in a serious relationship, but has already been married previously. I am in no rush to the tie knot, I just don't want to get myself into something that's going to be hard to get out of. I mean I love my fiance til death, but I'm not one to sugarcoat anything, WE STILL HAVE PROBLEMS in our relationship, that I just don't think married ppl should have to deal w, I mean its a lot of pettiness that needs to be worked out. For example him not wanting to peel those damn potatoes that day, I mean that's petty as fuck for me to trip off of that, but when I'm not feeling up to par, I need to know that my man can & will help out w/o giving me attitude or complaining about it. But I want to be completely sure that this is what I want to do...marriage. I mean were still growing as individuals & discovering new things about ourselves as well as one another. I don't want to sound as if I'm doubting our relationship, bc this is the best relationship for me thus far. He's got a lot of great qualities about him, & that are still keeping me around. So I just think that when the time comes for us to actually get married, we'll know.