I wasn't going to blog about this issue twice, BUT Khaki left me a comment on the previous post asking why I was so annoyed w my mom. Some of y'all may know why just from reading previous post. I was just sitting @ my desk @ work, & I'm like OK maybe I should just forgive & forget, BUT that shit is hard. & it gets even more hard when the problems keep consistently happening. My issues w my mother go back as far as I can remember. Ive always said I felt like I was treated like a step child. I felt like I was treated like a step child
bc of the way my mother spoke to me & treated me. Their would be times where she would be verbally abusive, as well as sometimes physically abusive. I'm not saying she was beating me like Ike beat Tina, but like I said in the previous post
theres a certain way to go about doing things.
Theres definitely a certain way to discipline your child, without leaving them all fucked up in the head. My whole thing now is, I do not feel respected, nor do I feel like she cares about my thoughts or opinions. For example a couple of
wks ago, I ran into a little bit of financial trouble, nothing BIG just needed a little something to help me out, until payday. Well who better to call on than your mom, especially in your time of need. So I called her & explained to her what I needed the $ for, & I also let her know that I would pay the $ back in the next 7 days. For starters when I called her, it was as if she was ducking & dodging me... for what
IDK. I called her house several times & each time I was given a different reason, as to why she could not come to the
ph. Clearly if I'm calling you like a mad woman,
theres obviously something that I need to talk to you about. Finally after a few hrs of just trying to get her on the
ph, she calls me back w major attitude. To make a long story short, she said that she wasn't able to loan me any $ & that was that. I'm very well aware that were in a recession & that folks don't have a lot of $ to spare & all that other shit. But I'm not gone front, I really needed that $. & for her to turn me down, I felt that she was just being mean. & the only reason I can not come to grips as far as her not helping me is
bc, she does petty shit like call & brag to me about all the new shit that she got, BUT yet you cant help me when I need you. I'm the type of person I will not ask another motherfucker for shit, unless I have no other choice. & @ this point there were really no other options. To say the least about the situation, my feelings were hurt, hurt to the point where I broke down crying. Everything has just built up over a period of time. I feel as though she has never really been there for me. Looking back, I felt like she only did the minimum as for as being a mother to me. I know that sounds harsh, BUT that's how I feel. Its just a lot. Ive tried to re-establish a relationship w her & it failed. I just don't get it. I can call her about certain issues whether it be me frustrated w work or my relationship, & she always shuts me down. So now its just to the point like why am I trying to fix something that cant be fixed. My hands are tired. I just deal w shit the best way I can, & try to block out all the other bullshit. Ive said I was going to talk to her about everything, BUT that still will not change the way I feel about her or our relationship. It Is What It Is.